What Is The Most Effective Type Of Therapy For Couples?
According to Forbes, 49% of married couples attend couples counseling each year. For a couple, therapy may have many benefits, including improving communication and increasing intimacy. Although previously associated with marriage difficulties and divorce, couples therapy can be used by any couple, including those who are not married, those who haven't been together for a long time, and those in polyamorous relationships. With more couples than ever before attending counseling, it can be challenging to know which type of relationship therapy to pick. Researching each option in depth can help you and your partner make a decision.
Popular forms of relationship therapy
There are many couples therapy modalities on the market available to help improve communication and connection in adult relationships. Researching each and understanding how they function can help you make an informed decision for the care of your relationship.
The Gottman Method
The Gottman method, a type of couples therapy, is a therapeutic approach developed by John and Julie Gottman, psychologists and couples therapists with over three decades of experience in couples therapy. This method emphasizes affection, respect, and intimacy in relationships as strategies for healthy conflict resolution and managing relationship distress. It highlights the benefits of teamwork in resolution, noting that resolution may not always be the end goal.
The Gottman method involves an extensive assessment form and employs love maps, which are charts you create with your partner to map out your concerns, joys, stresses, history, and aspirations. Through this process, you can increase admiration and fondness by fostering respect and appreciation. The Gottman therapy demonstrates that marital conflict can be managed instead of solely resolved or treated.
If you're interested in trying this therapy method, many therapists, including marriage and family therapists, are trained to provide it. Additionally, John and Julie Gottman hold annual couples retreats for those seeking an immersive experience.
Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT)
Emotionally focused couples therapy is a type of individual, family, and couples therapy developed by Dr. Susan Johnson, based on Gestalt psychology theory. Although initially designed for marriage counseling, it can also be applied to any adult relationship, including couples and family counseling.
EFT is commonly used in hospitals, exclusive practices, clinics, and training centers. While emotion-focused therapy can address various relationship issues, it often focuses on emotional sensitivity, vulnerable emotions, depression, anxiety, and unmet childhood needs. If one or both partners experience emotional concerns, EFT may be beneficial.
This form of treatment is often a short-term solution. If you're seeking a long-term option, other types of couples therapy might better suit you. There are three goals in an EFT therapy session, including:
- The reorganization and expansion of your emotional responses
- Safeguarding the bond you have with your partner
- Repositioning the stance you have on interactions to create healthier interactions within the partnership
The International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) asserts that EFT yields lasting results and helps improve relationship satisfaction. It is essential to note that emotionally focused therapy and emotion-focused therapy are not the same. Although both can be employed with couples and families, they have distinct approaches.
Positive psychology talk therapy
Positive psychology is a school of thought often employed in talk therapy to emphasize positivity, whether through deeper emotions, strengths, or other sources, fostering the notion that happiness can be derived from multiple sources.
In these types of relationship therapy, therapists enable couples to explore happy moments as they occur instead of in retrospect. Couples can learn to appreciate their moments together and discover contentment in daily activities using mindfulness techniques. Positive psychology-based therapy may be beneficial for those seeking to avoid negative behaviors, blame, or distressing subjects. In this therapy approach, your couples therapist can offer compliments, optimistic remarks, and enjoyable exercises to help you and your partner connect and experience more moments of joy.
In relationship therapy, positive psychology might involve utilizing communication skills through beepers and pagers. These tools allow the therapist to press a button that leaves a beep on a client's pager. When the couple hears the beep, they're reminded to write down their experiences or partake in a mindfulness exercise and write about how it went. At their next session, they can bring their journal entry to therapy and discuss how it went. Being paged unexpectedly allows couples to practice mindfulness during actual daily tasks.
You might benefit from positive psychology if you struggle to appreciate your partner, enjoy the happy moments, or focus on your daily life together. Anyone can partake in this therapy, regardless of diagnosis, symptoms, or relationship concerns. However, you might not benefit from positive psychology if you seek more structured guidance and in-depth conversations about challenging experiences or conflict resolution.
Narrative therapy
Narrative therapy can be engaging for those who enjoy roleplaying, acting, or storytelling. Initially developed as a family therapy technique, narrative therapy involves externalizing the conflicts within a relationship, allowing couples to manage conflict effectively. Your therapist may have patients perform exercises and may prompt you to talk about the problem as a story with characters, seeing it from an outside perspective. As you tell the story, you might be asked to rewrite aspects and form a new and healthier narrative.
Rewriting past experiences can help couples acknowledge that a problem isn't what defines a person and can be worked through as a team. If you see yourself and your partner as writers of a story (your life together), you may be able to develop problem-solving skills together instead of individually. In addition, you might notice that your problems do not define your personality or how your future will look.
By implementing these strategies in couples counseling, couples can feel in control of their conflicts. Narrative therapy offers a neutral outlook to the story told and provides partners the chance to explore the past and discuss how they might act differently in the future. Many couples also enjoy the creative couples therapy techniques used in this type of therapy.
Communication analysis
Communication analysis is a type of therapy that focuses on how couples interact and communicate. Studies have found that other aspects of a healthy relationship, like commitment and romantic partners bonding behavior, may not lead to marital satisfaction without the existence of healthy communication. Research-backed communication strategies can help you and your partner feel heard and offer empathy to each other during difficult conversations.
Communication requires conscious effort. In many cases, what is clear to one partner might be unclear to the other partner. Couples may expect their partner to understand their feelings based on body language or cues. However, learning to communicate directly can decrease the chances of misunderstandings and negative behavior patterns. In addition, people can have different communication styles, so understanding how your styles match up can help you structure your conversations.
Relationship or family therapists can help you develop practical means of communication to target misunderstandings. Although communication-based therapy may be most beneficial, most therapists incorporate this method in various forms of couples therapy.
Imago relationship therapy
Imago therapy combines any spiritual and behavioral concerns that couples may have, addressing childhood experiences that influence their relationships. The techniques are often combined with traditional therapy like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to examine the unconscious reasons behind choosing your partner. In this type of therapy, couples can examine how they relate to one another in caring, positive ways while the therapist looks at any conflicts as a means to a solution rather than a problem.
Imago relationship therapy posits that directly targeting a relationship's most painful or distressing wounds, including those linked to substance abuse or eating disorders, is the most effective way to treat them. Similar to CBT therapy, partners can learn to discuss their past, identify negative thoughts, evoke deeper emotions, and problem-solving difficulties. The therapist can then offer support and help the couples develop solutions based on the lessons they learn from their conflict, employing solution-focused therapy techniques to increase and strengthen intimacy and improve communication.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Counseling options
Perhaps you are wondering whether you and your partner should seek therapy. With many options to choose from, it can be overwhelming to make a choice. Many couples struggle to afford therapy or find a counselor that provides their method of choice in their city. In these cases, online couples therapy may be valuable.
Peer-reviewed studies show that online relationship counseling services are an effective method of helping couples improve communication and relationship functioning. In one wide-ranging review published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, researchers examined the effects of online couples counseling interventions for satisfied couples in healthy relationships and couples in distress. The report begins by listing the adverse effects of relationship dissatisfaction, including increased risk of individual mental illness, poor physical health, and impairments in work and social life. According to researchers, online couples counseling provides several benefits, including decreased cost and reduced barriers to care. These findings are similar to several recent studies suggesting that online couples counseling is a cost-effective option.
If you're not ready to discuss these issues face-to-face, platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples can allow you to seek discernment counseling one-on-one from the comfort of your home. With online therapy, you may not face worries about seeing someone you know or having to work around two schedules. Partners can attend couples therapy under nicknames through phone, video, or live chat sessions from separate locations.
Takeaway
The best type of relationship therapy is the one that works for you. Ask yourself questions before reaching out to a provider, and research each type of therapy you're interested in. If you and your partner don't both like a provider, it might be beneficial to schedule a consultation with others until you find a match.
Couples seek therapy for many reasons; you do not have to have a mental illness to see a therapist. No matter the modality you choose, your therapist can help you outline a unique treatment plan personalized to your goals. Consider reaching out to a therapist to get started.
What approach is most common in couples therapy?
It is difficult to identify one approach to couples therapy that is the most commonly used because there are several approaches used in different circumstances to suit the couple's needs. Some of the most common types of couples therapy include:
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
This popular approach to couples therapy focuses on helping couples identify and change the factors contributing to disconnection in the relationship. The therapist also typically helps the couple understand their emotional responses and encourages them to express themselves to improve communication and strengthen their emotional bond.
- The Gottman method
Developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, this type of couple's therapy focuses on cultivating friendships within the relationship, managing conflict, and establishing shared meaning.
- Narrative therapy
This approach focuses on helping couples identify and challenge negative relationship narratives to reframe them in a more positive way.
- Behavioral therapy
Behavioral couples therapy (BCT) involves cultivating positive behaviors by reinforcing behaviors that promote unity and understanding while discouraging behaviors that create strife in the relationship.
- Cognitive behavioral development (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy is often used in individual settings, but a modified, goal-oriented form called cognitive behavioral couples therapy (CBCT) is used specifically to help partners identify and challenge unhelpful beliefs, improve communication skills, and develop problem-solving skills.
Is therapy worth it for couples?
Repeated studies show that therapy is highly effective for couples who want to resolve their issues and strengthen their bonds.
What is the best therapy for marriage?
The best marriage therapy often depends on the relationship's unique circumstances and what the couple wants to get out of counseling. Some couples may wish to strengthen their friendship, while others want to focus on cultivating stronger intimacy. Regardless of the goal, the most effective marriage therapies typically involve a close client/therapist relationship and the willingness of all parties to work together.
Should couples have different therapists?
Couples may prefer to see a separate counselor for individual therapy than their partner's. Whether this is the best approach typically relies on several different factors. It is often discouraged, however, in cases where couples are thinking about seeing their marriage counselor as their independent therapist. In such cases, it might be better to avoid bias and complications if each person can find a therapist separately from their couple's therapist.
What type of therapy is used for relationships?
There are several types of couple's therapy— what type is used depends on the couple, the individuals, and the therapist's judgment. Types of relationship therapy include emotionally focused therapy, the Gottman method, narrative therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy.
How do you make the best couples therapy?
The best couples therapy begins with active participation between partners and therapist in moving towards a particular goal. Here are some tips on getting the most from couples' therapy:
- Define your goals—Determine what you want from therapy, preferably before you meet with your therapist. Doing so during your first (or second) session is fine, too, if you think you need assistance identifying what you both want. Common goals for couples therapy include uncovering the root causes of conflict and finding healthy ways to manage conflict. Many couples also aim to improve their communication and increase intimacy.
- Be open and honest when sharing your thoughts and feelings— Allowing yourself to open up despite any potential fear of judgment or vulnerability is a part of the therapeutic process. If you don't feel free to be yourself openly and honestly, it may be more difficult to resolve conflicts, build intimacy, and strengthen your connection.
- Consider environmental influences outside of your marriage—Just like an individual, couples are often highly influenced by who and what is present in their environment. Take a little time to consider the potential impacts of people and situations on your relationship. For example, if you have a friend who is constantly critical of your partner, ask yourself how much influence they have on how you think of them.
- Integrate your personal experiences— One's past plays a prominent role in shaping how one approaches relationships later in life. Sharing experiences during sessions can help you uncover issues in your relationship and work through them in a more empathetic, understanding way. If one of you was exposed to trauma in the past, sharing may give you the strength to overcome it together.
- Listen carefully— While it's important to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly, it's just as important to listen actively when your partner shares theirs. Try to avoid reaction and focus on understanding where they're coming from.
- Make it a two-way street— Therapy is often a collaborative process between client(s) and therapist. Feel free to ask questions if you don't understand where your partner is coming from, and give them space to do the same. Let them know you appreciate their honesty, even if it's difficult to hear at the time. Additionally, provide reassurance that you care about them and want to resolve your issues if you must be honest in a way they might find hurtful.
Is therapy better than counseling?
Which type of mental health intervention is best for you depends on what you're looking to gain from therapy. Counseling might be a better solution if you want to focus on achieving a specific goal or personal growth. Counseling tends to be a short-term, action-oriented approach.
Psychotherapy may be a better fit if you feel that you need to address long-term challenges and resolve more complex issues. Also, individuals struggling with trauma or severe mental health symptoms might need to see a psychologist. Some signs indicating that you may need to speak to a therapist include:
- Chronic fear, guilt, or anxiety without a clear cause
- Low mood, feelings of hopelessness
- Isolation, withdrawal from social engagement
- Disruptions in sleep and eating patterns
- Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
- Severe fatigue
- Headache, gastrointestinal distress
- Irritability, anger
In some cases, individuals with severe neurological disorders like attention/hyperactivity deficit disorder (ADHD) or Asperger's or conditions like eating disorders might require the help of a psychiatrist who can provide medical care.
Can therapy fix a toxic relationship?
When both parties are willing to work on resolving the underlying issues that make the relationship feel toxic, therapy can be effective for healing. In some cases, however, couples may not be willing to work cooperatively, or the relationship has serious issues severely impacting the mental health of the individuals in the relationship.
While the notion of a "toxic relationship" often means different things to different people, therapy can help you identify signs of what could be considered a toxic relationship. Some of these include:
- Lack of trust—Frequently lying or hiding information can signal a lack of trust. Or one partner constantly questioning the other's loyalty or intentions.
- Constant criticism—If one partner regularly criticizes the other with the intent to harm their self-esteem.
- Lack of support— When one partner withholds affection or approval as a form of punishment or is indifferent to their needs, interests, or desires.
- Manipulation and gaslighting— Gaslighting occurs when one partner twists facts to make the other question their perception or memory. They might shift responsibility for their actions onto the other person or blame them for their problems.
- Controlling behavior— One partner isolates the other from their friends and family. Someone with controlling behavior might constantly check on the other's location and go through their emails, texts, or social media.
- Frequent arguments—Arguments become intense and escalate quickly, but the issues are never resolved, leading to more fighting.
- Jealousy—Jealous behaviors may include possessiveness and unfounded accusations of betrayal or infidelity.
- Disrespect— When one partner ignores or minimizes the other's personal boundaries and limits. There may be insults, shouting, or derogatory language.
- Lack of empathy—If one partner shows little to no concern for the other's feelings and consistently prioritizes their own needs over the other's, they may have a lack of empathy.
- Imbalance of power—One partner controls significant decisions in the relationship, leaving the other feeling powerless. With an imbalance of power, one partner might consistently give more to the relationship while the other takes more.
- Emotional or physical abuse— It is abuse if one partner uses threats or physical violence to control or instill fear in the other.
Can couples therapy bring back love?
Although it may take time and effort from both of you, it is possible to rekindle the love in your relationship with couple's therapy.
What is the difference between couples therapy and couples counseling?
Couple's therapy is typically designed for couples with well-established unhealthy patterns of thoughts and behaviors. It usually requires several sessions to resolve the deep-seated issues that some couples have, but therapy can help them focus on those issues, fix them, and learn from them so they may form stronger bonds.
Couples counseling is a shorter-term process in which couples might go to resolve a single issue, strengthen communication, or improve their relationship overall. Some couples go to counseling before a significant commitment in their relationship, like marriage or moving in together, to prepare for future challenges they might face together. This type of counseling is sometimes called discernment counseling.
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