Is He Truly In Love? Questions You Can Ask Your Boyfriend To Find Out
By: Sarah Fader
Updated August 28, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Aaron Horn
Being in love is something many of us dream about and want for our lives. Feeling loved is a part of the human experience. When you're in a long-term relationship it can feel comforting or there may be things that you are unsure of, and want to clarity on from your partner. You have warm feelings toward them and want to make sure that you are on the same page as your boyfriend. It feels like he's in love, but is it too good to be true? There's only one way to know the truth and that's to have a candid conversation with him about his feelings. You may be wondering, "what questions do I ask him?" We'll get into that later.
Failing in Love
The feeling of falling in love is exhilarating. You want to spend time with your partner and find out everything that you possibly can about them. You feel connected to them, and you want to be physically and emotionally intimate with them. A huge part of intimacy is connected to understanding how someone's mind works and what's important to them. Once you make a commitment to being with your boyfriend, you feel hopefully feel secure in the relationship and trust them, but how do you know if you and your boyfriend are truly in love?
What Does it Mean to Be in Love?
Love is a beautiful phenomenon and it can mean different things to different people. When you're in love, you feel a sense of security, trust, freedom, and excitement in the relationship. You don't worry about what your boyfriend is doing when he's not with you, and when you're together, you love to spend quality time together and do things that make you feel connected to each other. When you look into each other's eyes, you feel a sense of warmth, compassion, and connectedness. You don't have to ask for emotional validation because you know that you're cared for and that your boyfriend respects you. You may be wondering, though, how do you know if you're in love? Here are some questions you can ask your partner to find out - is he truly in love?
- What is your concept of a healthy relationship?
When you ask this question, you're finding out if you have the same ideas about what creates a healthy relationship. It's absolutely imperative that you're on the same page when it comes to this, and asking this question can help you figure out if your relationship is indeed healthy or if there are toxic, messy, or dysfunctional tendencies that need to change. Everyone has a different perception of what is healthy and ideal for a relationship, and it's important to remember that a good relationship will vary in terms of how it looks depending on the partnership and the views of the people involved in that romantic connection. For you, healthy might mean talking out problems, and for him, his focus may relate more to intimacy the time that you spend to each other.
Healthy relationships, generally speaking, mean that communication is open and honest. If there are trust issues, that would be something to work on to make the relationship healthier. Discussing each other's point of view will help you get on the same page, and it might help you learn more about what your partner needs for a relationship to feel stable.
- How do you feel things are going in our relationship?
Sometimes, it's good to put it out there and ask, "How do you feel about us?" when talking to your boyfriend, you want to find out his perception of the relationship because you have yours and he has his. No one is a mind reader, and if you don't talk about it, one of you might miss something about the other person and their needs. Asking open-ended questions is a great way to figure out how somebody feels because they have the ability to elaborate on their feelings in a way that they wouldn't if a question requires a simple "yes" or "no." It's important to be a good listener in general, and it's especially important when it comes to being in a relationship. You want to show people that you care about their feelings, that you hear them, and that you care about their needs being met.
- What do you like about this relationship?
Asking your boyfriend about what he feels is positive about the relationship will give you insight as to if he's in love with you or not because it's telling in a variety of ways. When you ask someone what they like about your relationship, they will give you insight into that and show you what they value and potentially, what they're missing. This is an opportunity, too, to talk about issues in the relationship if they are any. Hearing the positives that he sees in your relationship can be incredibly emotionally validating and may clear up anything that you have an ambiguous or uncertain feeling about. His body language and vocal tone throughout this conversation, depending on who he is as a person and how he generally expresses himself, might give you a chance to pick up on some of how he feels as well. If his eyes light up, for example, that would be a good sign to most people. If he seems closed-off, on the other hand, you may want to ask if something is wrong.
- How do you feel about our sex life (or intimate life)?
There are many different ways that people express sexuality and intimacy. Some people have active sexual lives whereas others are romantic but choose not to have sex. It might even be the case that you, your partner, or both you and your partner are asexual. Knowing how your boyfriend feels about your intimate life is important because whether or not you're in a sexually intimate relationship, knowing that you're both satisfied, and again, on the same page is vital. Once you have this conversation, if there are things that need to be shifted or modified, you can make those changes. It might also open the door to trying new things in your intimate life that you haven't spoken about before. Sexuality and intimacy are important topics that are important to communicate about.
- What are some things that I do that make you feel loved?
You may have heard of the five love languages. This is a topic that you can take the time to look into if you haven't investigated it previously. There are many different ways that people can express and receive love, and according to the five love languages, those ways are quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, and acts of service. the love language that resonates the most with an individual will differ from person to person. They may need a combination of a couple of them, or a specific one out of the five love languages might be a dominant need for a person.
Asking your partner what you do that makes him feel loved will give you insight into what makes him tick and what love language resonates the most with him, which can validate if you are truly connected and in love. You don't have to speak the same love language to have a good relationship, but it is something to establish. For example, if he communicates that his love language is physical touch, you'll know that doing something like giving him a massage will be effective in showing your affection for him.
When in Doubt, Ask
When in doubt, ask your partner how he's feeling about the relationship because you know your perspective on it, and his may be the same or it may differ. You never know the answer to a question, unless you ask for it, and when it comes to a person's thoughts or feelings, you never want to assume. Knowing how you both feel can help you connect on an even deeper intimate level. If you find that there are issues that you're struggling with in your relationship, you can talk about them in counseling.
BetterHelp is Here for You and Your Relationship.
Online counseling is a fantastic place to discuss issues related to love and interpersonal relationships. If you feel that you need to work on your romantic relationship with your boyfriend, you can do online counseling for couples, or you can see an individual counselor that you can talk about these issues with. Maybe, you're experiencing issues related to intimacy or trust that you'd like to speak to a counselor one-on-one about, or maybe, there's an issue in the dynamic of your relationship with your partner and going to couples' therapy would be a better fit. You don't need to handle these matters on your own. Search the network of therapists at BetterHelp and find one who understands the values of romantic relationships and is able to help you and your boyfriend connect and foster the love that you deserve.