Is He Truly In Love? Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend To Find Out
Medically Reviewed By Aaron Horn, LMFTQuestions To Ask Your Boyfriend
Being truly in love is something many people dream about and hope to experience in their lives. A healthy long-term relationship can feel comforting, validating, and safe. If you are in a relationship that feels right but aren’t sure if your boyfriend feels the same way, the only way to find out is to come up with some questions to ask a guy, your boyfriend, or girlfriend. Online therapy is a great tool to help determine if you are in a safe, loving relationship where this love is reciprocated.
You don’t have to flat-out demand whether he is in love, but a candid conversation—or better yet, a series of candid conversations—can make all the difference in knowing whether your relationship is on track for a long and happy future. A few key questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend might be all you need.
Failing In Love
First, think about the way you felt when you first realized this relationship was special. The feeling of falling in love is exhilarating. You want to spend time with your partner and find out everything you possibly can about them. You feel connected, and you want to be physically and emotionally close. A huge part of intimacy is connected to understanding how someone's mind works and what's important to them. Understanding each other allows you to feel secure in the relationship. Once you have fallen in love with someone, the next step is figuring out how to stay in love with each other.
What It Means To Be In Love
Love is a beautiful phenomenon that can mean different things to different people. When you're in love, you feel a sense of security, trust, freedom, and excitement in the relationship. You don't worry about what your boyfriend is doing when he's not with you, and when you're together, you love to find activities and conversations that help you feel connected. When you look into each other's eyes, you feel warmth, compassion, and connectedness. You don't have to ask for emotional validation because you know that you're cared for and that your boyfriend respects you. You may be wondering, though, how do you know if you're in love for the long term? Here are some questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend, during a peaceful or relaxed time, to find out.
Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend
What Is Your Concept Of A Healthy Relationship?
Ask your boyfriend this question to make sure that you have the same ideas about what creates a healthy relationship. Each person’s perception of an ideal, healthy relationship is a little unique, and there’s nothing wrong with that! However, it is important to figure out whether you and your boyfriend value complementary aspects of your relationship and each other. For example, if you think a healthy relationship involves talking through issues and he believes good listening is important to a relationship, then your values are more compatible to his than they might be with the view of someone who doesn’t enjoy talking about their emotions.
More generally, healthy relationships involve open and honest communication, whatever form it may take. If either of you acknowledges trust issues on your own part, bringing it up early can allow you to address them together, rather than arguing later on over a misunderstanding. Discussing each other's point of view will help you feel heard and understood, and it can also help you learn more about what your partner needs for the relationship to feel stable.
How Do You Feel Things Are Going In Our Relationship?
Sometimes, even if it feels awkward, it can be good simply to ask, "How do you feel about us?" Asking open-ended questions is a great way to figure out how somebody feels because they have the ability to elaborate on their feelings in a way that they wouldn't if a question requires a simple "yes" or "no." In other words, asking, “How do you feel about us?” will typically provide a clearer and more honest response than asking something leading or pressuring like, “We’re really great together, right?”
It's important to be a good listener in general, and it's especially important when it comes to being in a relationship. You want to show your boyfriend that you care about his feelings, that you trust him with yours, that you hear him, and that you care about his needs being met, too.
What Do You Like About This Relationship?
As another open-ended question, asking your boyfriend about what he feels is positive about the relationship will help to indicate whether he's in love. When you ask someone what they like about your relationship, they will have an opportunity to describe what they value—as well as, potentially, what they feel is missing.
Hearing the positives that he sees in your relationship can be emotionally validating and may also clear up ambiguous or uncertain feelings. His body language and vocal tone throughout this conversation, depending on his personality and how he generally expresses himself, might give you a chance to pick up on some of how he feels as well. Is he turning toward you, making eye contact, and speaking enthusiastically? Or is he crossing his arms, sighing, and looking away? The former are great signs, while the latter are definitely not.
How Do You Feel About Our Sex Life (Or Intimate Life)?
There are many different ways that people express sexuality and intimacy. Some people have active sex lives whereas others are romantic but choose not to have sex. It might even be the case that you, your partner, or both you and your partner are asexual. Knowing how your boyfriend feels about your intimate life is important because whether or not you're in a sexually intimate relationship at this point, knowing that you're both satisfied is vital.
Once you have this conversation, if there are things that need to be shifted or modified, you can make those changes together. Asking this question might also open the door to trying new things in your intimate life that you haven't spoken about before. Sexuality and intimacy are important topics for couples to communicate about.
What Are Some Things That I Do That Make You Feel Loved?
You may have heard of the five love languages — five common ways that individuals express love, including quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, and acts of service. Some individuals find that one love language resonates the most with them, while others might appreciate two or more in combination.
Asking your partner what you do that makes him feel loved will give help you understand what love language (or languages) resonates the most with him, which can validate your connections to each other. You don't have to speak the same love language to have a good relationship, but it is good and helpful for each of you to be aware of what resonates with the other. For example, if he communicates that his love language is physical touch, you'll know that doing something like giving him a massage will be effective in showing your affection for him.
When In Doubt, Ask
No matter how you phrase it, asking your boyfriend how he feels about the relationship is important. Communication is the key to understanding, and especially in a romantic or intimate relationship, feeling understood will allow each of you to care more deeply and fully for each other.
Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend
BetterHelp Is Here For You And Your Relationship
Whether you are in a fresh relationship that is quickly turning into a deeper connection or have been with your boyfriend for a long time and are questioning where things are going, being in an intimate relationship can be disorienting and may increase anxiety. Even when you have a great time together and feel secure and happy with each other, you may find yourself wondering, “Is he truly in love with me, though?”
Some couples find that relationship exercises and quizzes can be helpful, especially when they come from trusted sources like the Gottman Institute. If you’re looking for deeper advice that can help in the long run, though, working with a mental health professional can support your relationship and keep it on a healthy path. And with online mental health support services like BetterHelp, you and your partner can access counseling support more easily than ever.
Online therapy is flexible, so you can arrange couples sessions according to you and your partner’s schedules or pursue individual therapy on your own time. It is also more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can choose how to connect with a mental health professional: via video chat, phone call, or text messaging. Working with an online therapist through BetterHelp may bring you greater clarity and could even make your love stronger than ever. These reviews from BetterHelp users show how online therapy services have supported their relationships.
Alan has been a great help to me while I have been navigating some tumultuous and emotionally draining situations. He is helping me understand and process things I did not realize I was carrying. My partner and I also did a couples session with him. He gave use some tools to help smooth the way through some misunderstandings and irritations we were experiencing.
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I’ve recommended BetterHelp and Lindsey to four people because I believe wholeheartedly in the work we are accomplishing together. This is important and valued work that has already made a huge difference in feeling grounded in this turbulent world and helping me keep a healthy perspective and getting some very tangible skills of communication that had become rusty.
Additional Commonly Asked Questions:
What are some deep relationship questions?
Questions in relationships can be used for purposes other than determining your love for each other. If you're looking for questions to ask your boyfriend, it could be because you want to start deep conversations with one another. You might use romantic questions or general but thoughtful and deep questions to achieve this. Here are some deep relationship questions to try:
- What makes you feel most loved?
- Do you feel that you're understood by your family members?
- When you have elderly parents, what is your plan to care for them?
- What was your first impression of me?
- What's one word you'd use to describe yourself and why?
- What’s one word you would use to describe our relationship and why?
- What is the best way I can support you on hard days?
- Is there anything you'd like for me to do more of in our relationship?
- What's something you'd like to achieve in the near future?
- What are your life goals for the next 5-10 years?
- What are your most important core values?
- What would you like to see change in the world?
- If we face relationship problems in the future, what do you feel the best way to handle it would be?
- What's something about our relationship you would never want to change?
- If we were in a spot where we could benefit from couples counseling at any point in time, would you be willing to attend?
- What are your favorite things about our relationship?
Questions that require a serious answer can help you get to know your partner's values, connect on a deeper level, or learn more about one another in general. If you don't know much about your boyfriend's relationship history yet, this could also be a topic to discuss at some point (IE, "Why did your last relationship end?") Talking about each other's relationship history can help you understand your partner's needs, potential sensitivities, and so on. For example, if in a person's past relationship, they didn't feel understood, they may need more care in that area. One of the great things about asking your boyfriend deep questions is that you can start a strong, beneficial conversation no matter where you are. Whether you're in a long distance relationship or are spending time with each other in person, they can still enhance your bond.
If this is a new boyfriend, there are certain topics that you may want to cover before you move further in the relationship. For example, you might ask a new boyfriend serious questions such as, "Do you intend to have kids in the future?" or "Do you intend to move or stay around the same place?" It can be tough to ask serious questions, but it can help you and your partner or boyfriend find out more about each other.
What are some juicy questions?
Sometimes, questions like "what's your favorite magazine?" or "what does your dream house look like?" are great conversation starters. Other times, you might want to find more intimate questions to ask. If you have enthusiastic consent and the other person is comfortable with providing an answer, here are some juicy questions to consider:
- What's your favorite body part of mine?
- How many sexual partners have you had?
- What's your most embarrassing moment?
- What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?
- What's the biggest lie you've ever told?
- Why did your last relationship end?
- As a kid, how many children did you think you'd want?
- Will you tell me about your first kiss? Where were you, and who was it with?
- Do you have a celebrity crush?
- What are your guilty pleasures?
Some of these questions will likely depend on the relationship you have with a person. Juicy questions can be flirty with a partner or loved interest, but some can also be fun questions you ask a friend. You can modify the language of common questions people ask each other. For example, you may replace 'What's the craziest thing you've ever done?' or 'What's the dumbest thing adults told the kids in your family growing up?' with 'What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?' 'What's something you have done that surprised your family members the most?' 'If any, what's a lie your family members told the kids in your family growing up?' or 'Do you have any funny stories from your first job?'
What are uncomfortable questions to ask your boyfriend?
Questions such as "what would you do if your friends flirted with me?" "why did your last relationship end?" or "how many sexual partners have you had in your life?" could be potentially uncomfortable in some relationships. What makes a question uncomfortable or not in a relationship can depend largely on who you are as people, how long you've been together, and so on. Certain questions, such as "what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?" can also be sensitive. These can be asked with care and consent to mitigate any potential discomfort.
What is 21 questions to ask a guy?
Whether they're fun questions, funny questions, or random questions, asking about each other's life and thoughts can bring two people closer together. Maybe, you're looking for fun questions to ask a new guy, or perhaps, you want to find questions to ask your boyfriend. Here are 21 questions to try:
- How long have you known your best friend?
- If you had a million dollars, how would you spend it?
- Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
- What's on your bucket list currently?
- How often do you see your extended family members?
- What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
- If you have one, what's your favorite sport?
- What's the best advice someone has ever given you?
- What's the weirdest thing someone has ever said to you?
- What was your most embarrassing moment in school as a kid?
- What's your current biggest fear?
- What was your biggest fear as a kid?
- What's one song you never get tired of?
- What's one song that makes you cry?
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- What do you consider the most annoying habits?
- What's something you'd like to accomplish in the near future?
- If you could travel anywhere in the entire world, where would you go?
- What's your biggest regret?
- Would you say you have a guilty pleasure?
- Not counting your current job, what's your dream job?
Games such as 20 or 21 questions provide a great opportunity to ask fun questions. Don't hesitate to ask creative questions to change it up, or cute questions if you want to make it more flirtatious! Bonus: A fun question game is a bonding activity that's free of cost.
What should I ask my boyfriend when bored?
Here are some questions to ask your boyfriend when you're bored:
- What's your dream house?
- What's your dream car?
- What was your dream job as a child?
- Were you close with your extended family members growing up?
- What's the best advice one could give someone entering your field of work?
- What's your favorite dessert?
- Did you go on any summer vacations as a child that stood out?
- What was your favorite subject in school growing up?
- What's a good conspiracy theory you remember hearing about?
- How did you meet your best friend?
- What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened in your adult life?
In long term relationships or any relationship, communication is both person's role. If you need help with communication, want to increase affection, or something else, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist.
