Are They In Love With Me? Questions To Ask Your Partner

Medically reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Being in love is something many people dream about and hope to experience in their lives. Those who are single and constantly think "I want a partner" are definitely building their confidence to attract a partner. A healthy, loving relationship can feel comforting, validating, and safe. However, confusion may arise if you aren't sure if your partner is in love with you. If you have cute questions such as "Do they love me?" or "Does she love me?" asking your partner clarifying questions may be beneficial.

Relationship insecurities can feel daunting

What does love feel like?

If you're in love with your partner and want to know if they feel the same for you, it may be helpful to remember what falling in love with them felt like for you. What sensations did you feel in your body? What thoughts crossed your mind? What urges did you have? What did you notice about your partner?

The feeling of falling in love can be exhilarating. You may want to spend extra time with your partner and learn everything you can about them. You might feel more connected and want to be physically and emotionally close.

Love is a beautiful phenomenon that can mean different things to different people. When you're in love, you might feel a sense of safety, trust, freedom, and excitement in the relationship. You may feel warmth, compassion, and connectedness when you look into each other's eyes. If your partner communicates these feelings with you, it can be a good indicator that they're in love with you. 

No two people are the same, and your partner may express their love in a way that you don't. For example, you could enjoy writing love letters and receiving romantic messages, whereas your partner could enjoy showing love through quality time together or acts of kindness. Helping each other understand how you prefer to express and receive love may assist both of you in feeling loved.

Questions to ask your significant other

Asking your partner how they feel about the relationship can be one of the best ways to get a clear answer. Communication can be the key to understanding, especially in a romantic or intimate relationship. When you feel ready, you may consider asking some of the intimate questions below to gain a deeper understanding of your partner’s feelings and desires. 

1. How do you feel things are going in our relationship?

Sometimes, even if it feels awkward, it may be beneficial to ask, "How do you feel about us?" Asking open-ended questions may allow for more honest answers instead of a simple "yes" or "no." Asking, "how do you feel about us?" may provide a more transparent and honest response than asking, "We're great together, right?"

When your partner responds, try to practice listening openly. Try to process what they said before responding. Responding honestly and kindly can communicate to your partner that you care about their feelings and trust them with yours. It can also indicate that you want to check in about the relationship and ensure your partner feels comfortable.

2. What is your concept of a healthy relationship?

You can ask your partner this question to gauge if you have the same ideas about what creates a healthy relationship. Each person's perception of an ideal, healthy relationship may be unique. However, figuring out whether you and your partner value complementary aspects might help you understand if you have similar feelings about the relationship and each other or if there is a disconnect.

For example, if you think a healthy relationship involves talking through issues, and your partner believes good listening is essential to a relationship, your values may be compatible. On the other hand, if you're with someone who thinks a healthy relationship involves ignoring problems or staying silent during a conflict, you may find that your beliefs are incompatible.

Often, healthy relationships involve open and honest communication and active listening skills. Discussing each other's points of view openly can help you feel heard and understood, as well as learn more about what your partner needs for the relationship to feel stable.

A couple are near a window together, looking at each other, holding coffee cups, and smiling.

3. What do you like about this relationship?

Asking your partner what they like about the relationship may help indicate whether they're in love. Your partner will have an opportunity to describe what they value and what they feel may be missing.

Knowing what your partner loves most about your connection can be emotionally validating and may also clear up uncertain feelings that you may have.

Your partner's body language and vocal tone throughout the conversation might also give you a chance to pick up on their feelings. Are they turning toward you, making eye contact, and speaking enthusiastically? Or are they crossing their arms, sighing, and looking away? Although body language may not communicate as well as the words "I love you," it may offer another indication of how invested someone is in the relationship.

4. How do you feel about our intimacy?

There are many ways that people can express sexuality and intimacy. Some couples may have sex often, whereas others may find romantic date nights more intimate than physical connections. Others are asexual, which means they do not experience sexual attraction. All sexualities are valid, but differing libidos may conflict in some relationships, so understanding how your partner feels about your intimacy levels may help you understand their feelings towards you. Higher levels of emotional intimacy have also been shown to be associated with higher sexual desire, which is associated with higher odds of sexual contact in couples. 

If you have this conversation with your partner and find there are aspects of the relationship that feel incompatible, it may be helpful to continue having clarifying conversations until the problem is solved. A sex therapist or relationship coach may also help you understand sexual incompatibilities.

5. What are some things that I do that make you feel loved?

You may have heard of the five love languages—five ways that individuals may express and receive love, including:

  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Physical touch
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service

Some individuals find that one love language resonates the most with them, while others might appreciate two or more in combination. Asking your partner what you do that makes them feel loved can help you to understand what love languages resonate the most with them.

Showing love in a way your partner prefers may deepen your connection. For example, if your partner's love language is physical touch, they may feel most loved when you give them a massage or hold their hand while walking together. And, if your partner performs your love language for you, this may also signal that they are in love with you.

Other fun questions to ask your partner

While serious romantic questions can be a great way to understand your relationship, it's important not to forget about the fun stuff too! From discussing favorite cartoon characters to revealing their craziest thing ever done, here are some random questions you can ask your partner:

  • Who is your best friend and what makes them your best friend?
  • What was your best Halloween costume ever?
  • What is the best or strangest gift you've ever received?
  • Who is your favorite cartoon character and why?
  • What is the craziest thing you've ever done?
  • Do you enjoy having deep conversations with people? If so, what topic do you find most interesting to discuss?
  • If you could design your dream house, what would it look like?
  • What is your most embarrassing moment?
  • What is your favorite city and why?
  • What is your favorite food?
  • Describe your favorite outfit.
  • Who is your favorite fictional character and why?
  • Can you tell me the story of your first kiss?
  • How many children would you like to have in the future?
  • How many sexual partners have you had in your life?
  • Tell me about the end of your last relationship.
  • What is the most embarrassing moment you've ever had in front of a crowd?
  • Have you ever learned a valuable lesson from a past relationship?
  • What is the weirdest thing you've ever seen or experienced?

By asking these questions, you can learn more about your partner's personality, interests, and experiences. Not only is it a great way to get to know each other better, but it can also be a fun way to pass the time and create memories together.

Relationship insecurities can feel daunting

Get further help

In new and existing relationships, being unsure about your partner's feelings may create stress or unease. Even when you feel that you have a solid connection, you may find yourself wondering, "is my partner in love with me?"

Some couples may find relationship exercises and quizzes helpful, such as those from trusted sources like the Gottman Institute. Nowadays, there are many online quizzes like compatibility tests and "Am I in love quizzes" that may have deep questions that can evaluate emotions. However, there are also help options outside online quizzes. If you're looking for professional and personalized advice in your relationship, working with a therapist may help. Studies show that couples therapy benefits 70% of those who receive treatment, and online therapy has been shown to be just as effective as in-person sessions.

Online couples therapy may benefit busy couples who would prefer to receive help from home. With online therapy, you can arrange sessions according to your and your partner's schedules or pursue individual treatment on your own time. Sessions happen online from any location with a solid internet connection, which may be more convenient and comfortable than driving to a therapy office for some people. Online mental health support services like BetterHelp or Regain can connect you and your partner with a qualified counselor from home.

Read below for reviews from previous users about how online therapy services have supported their relationships.

User reviews

"Eliot has been a great support for my husband and I during some big life changes. Professional, respectful and knowledgeable. Highly recommend him." Learn More About Eliot

I’ve recommended BetterHelp and Lindsey to four people because I believe wholeheartedly in the work we are accomplishing together. This is important and valued work that has already made a huge difference in feeling grounded in this turbulent world and helping me keep a healthy perspective and getting some very tangible skills of communication that had become rusty.


It can be challenging to communicate with your partner to understand their feelings and intentions in a relationship. Trying out a fun question or two from above may help you gain a clearer understanding of where your partner stands. If you’re still feeling unsure about your relationship or would like additional support, connecting with a qualified online counselor may help.

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