How to Find a Couples Therapist: Tips for Choosing the Right Support for Your Relationship

Before you start researching couples therapists, take the time to consider your relationship goals. Then look for a professional with the right credentials, experience, and approach. 

Going to couples therapy with your partner may help you strengthen your relationship and learn how to communicate better. By understanding how to find a couples therapist, you may pick a provider who meets your needs. 

What does a couples therapist do? 

A couples therapist helps romantic partners build stronger connections and overcome relationship challenges. This may involve identifying communication patterns and teaching couples healthier ways to support each other. 

People often assume that relationship and marriage counseling is meant for crises or only a last-ditch effort, but that's not true. Many couples seek therapy to grow their connection and address small concerns proactively. 

Here are a few common areas that couples work on in marriage counseling: 

• Repairing trust after deception or a broken promise
• Overcoming communication breakdowns
• Navigating significant life transitions, such as a major move or having a child 
• Improving family dynamics 

Marriage and family therapists don't take sides or declare one partner the "winner." Instead, they help couples communicate more effectively and find solutions together. This may involve structured conversations and exercises that help couples grow closer. 

How couples therapy differs from individual therapy

Individual therapy focuses on a single person's mental health needs. An individual therapist may help diagnose and treat depression and other mental health concerns. 

On the other hand, couples therapy treats the relationship as the "client." They support both partners without favoring either person and help them work through challenges as a team. 

In some cases, people may benefit from both individual and couples therapy. Say one partner experiences anxiety that makes it difficult for them to share their feelings with the other person. Individual mental health services may help them learn coping strategies for their anxiety, while a family therapist may teach both partners how to communicate better. 

How do you find the right couples therapist for your relationship?

Finding the right couples therapist may help you make positive changes in your relationship. 

Begin by writing down your goals for your relationship with your partner. These should be specific and realistic, such as:

• Developing healthy boundaries with family members
• Working more effectively as a team during conflicts 
• Learning each other's love languages 
• Getting on the same page about finances or family planning 
• Spending more quality time together 
• Learning how to communicate your needs and emotions to each other 

Once you understand what you want to get out of your sessions, look for therapists with matching specialties. 

For example, if you're rebuilding trust after an emotional affair, choose a provider who specializes in infidelity. Meanwhile, a couples therapist trained in premarital counseling may help you and your partner with financial and family planning before you tie the knot.  

Check their credentials, too. Every state has licensing requirements for mental health professionals. Before you commit to a provider, make sure they're licensed to provide couples counseling or marriage and family therapy in your state. 

You should also ask about their therapeutic approach and why they chose it. Some professionals offer emotionally focused therapy, which helps couples identify and express their emotional responses in positive ways. 

Others practice the Gottman Method of couples therapy. It uses the Sound Relationship House framework to teach healthy conflict management and help couples deepen their friendships. 

Logistics are another major consideration. With your partner, decide if you'd prefer in-person or online couples therapy. Online sessions may offer more scheduling flexibility; for instance, if you and your partner both work, an evening appointment slot may be easier to coordinate than an in-person visit.

Questions to ask a potential couples therapist

Before you commit to a couples therapist, take the time to ask a few questions about their experience and approach. These might include: 

• Do you have experience with couples experiencing similar relationship challenges? 
• How do you typically structure your sessions? 
• How do you measure progress? 
• How much does each session cost, and do you accept insurance? 
• How often would you want to meet with us? 

Use the therapist's responses to gauge whether they'll be a good match for you and your partner. 

What should you look for in a couples therapist?

Comfort is one of the most important factors when choosing a couples therapist. Look for a provider who makes both you and your partner feel safe and understood. That might be someone who uses gentle humor or stays calm during difficult conversations. 

Seeking support doesn't have to be complicated. If you're navigating relationship stress on your own, BetterHelp makes it easier to connect 1:1 with a licensed therapist to work through your side of the relationship, whether that's building communication skills or processing your own feelings about a transition. For joint sessions with your partner, a dedicated couples-therapy platform like Regain may be a better fit.

When is the right time to start couples therapy?

There's not a single best time to begin couples therapy. It depends on your goals and the challenges you're experiencing with your partner. 

Many couples choose to seek therapy during life transitions. Major changes like having a baby or moving across the country are often exciting, but they may also put stress on a relationship. 

For example, you and your partner might disagree about parenting styles or argue about how often to host relatives in your new home. A therapist may help you work through negative emotions and reach a resolution. 

Ongoing communication challenges are another common reason why couples go to therapy. You may be dealing with repeated miscommunication, such as making assumptions about what your partner meant or misinterpreting their tone. A family therapist may use roleplaying or exercises to help you improve communication. 

Couples therapy may also help you work through unresolved conflict. If you feel like you're having the same argument without making progress, a counselor could give you a fresh perspective and help you find a way forward. 

You don't have to wait for something to go wrong, either. Many couples start therapy to strengthen an already healthy relationship and deepen their emotional connection. If you want to get to know your partner better, that's a valid reason to go to a therapist.