How can I stop holding everything in, stop feeling lonely and stop ruining all my relationships?

Hi SB! Thank you for asking this question. It is really courageous of you to reach out for support on BetterHelp at this time. The fact that you are seeking out advice and guidance on this topic reflects some of your many positive traits. What are some of your other strengths? Take some time to make a list of your qualities, talents and strengths as a warm up activity for the day.

I understand that you mentioned that you have been holding everything in. It sounds like you have been holding on to your thoughts, feelings and emotions for quite some time. Would you be willing to learn more strategies on how to effectively express your feelings? I would like to advise you to start this process by shifting the wording of your goal from "to stop feeling lonely" to something along the lines of: "to feel better about myself by releasing emotions, including relinquishing lonely feelings."

By doing this, you are giving yourself a chance to release feelings that you harbor as well as recognize that the feeling of loneliness is something that you would like to change. That being said, I can certainly relate to you, your experience and your intentions. It may be imperative for you to not feel lonely anymore.

I am wondering if you can continue to rephrase your goals into something that seems more realistic and in your own words. Loneliness is a very valid feeling and it would be highly unlikely that any individual would completely stop feeling that way forever. Loneliness can certainly be an uncomfortable feeling. I can see why you would want to change this experience, for sure. That seems like a natural, innate reaction.

I would like to encourage you to refocus your energy on decreasing the frequency and intensity of the feeling of loneliness rather than trying to stop this experience all together. What are some things that you can do to feel less lonely? The first thought comes to mind, for me, is to try to establish a sense of connection with other people in your life. It may be helpful to explore the concept of loneliness because all feelings serve a purpose. Perhaps this experience of feeling lonely can even be a motivator for change! How would you say that loneliness plays a role in your life? Also, what has been going on in your life recently that has been causing you to believe that you have been ruining your relationships?

I realize that you are trying to focus on improving your relationships. That sounds like another great goal. Who would you say is in your inner support circle? I encourage you to print this circle of support worksheet and fill in the names of people, places and institutions in which you derive support from. Create a "block list" in one of the corners of the handout to signify the people and things that do not serve you in a supportive and healing manner. This activity will remind you of who you trust to support you as well as who you are willing to commit to staying away from for the time being.

Here is the circle of support worksheet by Connect in the North:

https://www.citn.org.uk/resources/circle-of-support/

In addition to filling out the circle of support worksheet, I would like to encourage you to take some time for therapeutic art making. Coloring or drawing within a circular format can bring feelings of relaxation and healing. Take some time to color in a mandala with colored pencils, pastels and crayons. Write your feelings in the mandala and trace the circular shape. Color over the feelings that you wrote with a neutral color or your favorite colors. This may be a very beneficial activity for you to try.

I also recommend attending individual counseling sessions. You may want to consider attending a group therapy session or a groupinar, as well. I realize that it may be difficult to reach out for support initially and you may notice yourself feeling hesitant about opening up about your experiences in a therapeutic setting. Nonetheless, I would like to encourage you to try your best to build upon your support system.

Thank you again for asking this essential question on the topic of making life improvements and bettering your life. I hope that my response to your question has been helpful for you in some way. I want to wish you all the best on your therapeutic journey. Have a nice day!