Thanks for this question K. Firstly, determining your readiness for therapy is paramount. None of the issues you want resolved can be so until you can decide if you can make a sincere commitment to your growth and development. What things might you need to have squared away before that decision becomes realistic to you? There's nothing wrong with wanting to take your time through this process, but the process is for certain. Secondly, how long have you felt like the people around you do not care about you? What type of care and concern are you looking for and how well can you show that kind of love to yourself? Are these feelings in any way brought on by you still resolving the trauma from being outed in middle school? Having a distorted perception around who you can trust is common after experiences such as yours and it would make complete sense that you find difficulty in believing your friends are honoring you and your relationship.
Thirdly, coping with any substance can have dangerously lasting effects and can neurochemically alter our disposition. The more we find a release through the substance the less we'll feel motivated and secure in holistic methods of coping with difficult emotions. Be mindful of your frequency and usage, as well as thinking of a plan to holistically address issues without weed as an intervention. Fourthly, what happened to you in middle school was disgusting and betraying. No one should have their personal business especially their identity politics aired out for all to make their own judgment and assessment on. You are not a spectacle and you are no one's symbol to concentrate pain and hate towards. I am happy you have been able to move forward in life through making healthier relationships in high school and college but you are absolutely right, trauma such as the kind you faced in middle school can leave a lasting impression on how we perceive things in our immediate relationships regardless if it matches reality. When our perception does not compliment reality we know for sure our perception has been compromised due to some form of trauma. Correcting your perception and being able to dispel those beliefs that your friends even now do not care comes with committing to the therapeutic process. I look forward to us being able to continue this conversation through conducted sessions when you are ready K. Peace!