Thank you for taking the time to reach out and for posing such a courageous question. I can certainly feel the pain contained within your question and can only hope to provide more clarity toward your experience with my answer.
Loneliness is a deeply existential experience that contains a unique and profound paradox within its overall presentation. Often, loneliness is produced by underlying sub-feelings, experiences, and perceptions of being abandoned, rejected, alone, stuck, ostracized, or isolated. Yet, we do not realize that when we experience these difficult sub-feelings, we are very much connected to other human beings. Truly, loneliness is a common experience shared by many individuals on a cross-cultural level. Naturally, when we have multiple experiences that foster a deep sense of loneliness, the fear can easily become: "Is this awful experience going to last forever? Am I destined to remain alone for eternity?"
Often, when we meet these anxiety invoking thoughts with facts, hope can be salvaged. Although I do not know the full extent of your circumstances, I invite for you to consider the facts pertaining directly to your experiences. Allow yourself to separate what is actually known from what is being imagined or dictated by the emotion of fear. As human beings, we become easily prone to living in the imagined future. Unfortunately, as much as we would like to predict the trajectory of our lives, we can never be absolute certain about anything. All of this is to say, that even if you have had profound experiences of loneliness in the past, the future remains poised with opportunity.
Strength and growth can also be elicited whenever we can begin to recognize behavioral patterns that we tend to easily fall into, follow, or employ within our lives. Perhaps, the question of, "What personality characteristics am I most attracted to within people?," can serve as a preliminary platform that further motivates future insight and direction. Awareness, Boundary Formation, and Commitment tend to prove as being useful within our navigation of friendships and relationship dynamics. When searching for love, we must be mindful to practice self-compassion, empathy, and true self-love. As an early Pre-Socratic Philosopher once stated, "How can we give what we do not have?" Becoming comfortable with entering into and exploring the love in which we have for ourselves, may prove as being a guiding light that is meaningful in our quest toward self-discovery.
While the pain of the past requires renegotiation in order to derive meaning and incorporation into our lives, we can be empowered from the lessons in which we have learned and applied. Success is in the trying. Returning to the safety of ourselves and allowing the love in which we have for ourself to be sufficient, may assist in remedying any hurt that still lingers or remains. Similarly, once we have a stable foundation that is rooted firm in self-love, future encounters of abandonment or isolation will prove as being less painful.