Ask a therapist > Relationships > What actions should I take? How do I go about fixing this? Should I leave?

What actions should I take? How do I go about fixing this? Should I leave?

So I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 5 years now. We have two children one biologically his. Recently these past couple months we have been having issues. He seems to have lost interest in me. He doesn’t meet me halfway with the house chores or taking care of the children. I feel like he leaves it all up to me. I feel like his mother rather than his girlfriend. I want to get married I don’t even feel like he wants to be with me. I feel like he’s only sticking around because of our child. He doesn’t compliment me, doesn’t seem happy to see me when I come home from work, it’s just getting frustrating and I have no clue what to do. He doesn’t say nice things all the time, he says a lot of things that hurt my feelings. Instead of trying to talk out our issues yo solve them he doesn’t open up at all. I’m the one doing all the talking. It’s like talking to myself. I just don’t know what to do.
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Asked by Jj
Relationships
Intimacy
Love
Attachment
Dating
Rejection
Attraction
Answered
01/25/2023

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about your current situation with your boyfriend. It does become very difficult to survive in this type of an environment where your emotional needs are not being met. I know how challenging it can become to raise children while balancing work when you are emotionally not taken care of.

I want you to start by shifting your perspective about yourself and your relationship. First, I want you to work on your own personal growth. This would include taking care of your physical health as well as your mental health. It is extremely important as if you are feeling good about yourself and your environment you will be able to look at the world from a different lens. Once you feel confident in your own skin then you can start working on your relationship as chances are when he sees a changed person he may become attracted to you again. if the relationship is meant to be and if he is the right person for you it will bring both of you closer and if he is not meant to be with you then this would be a point where it will get terminated. However, we are going to try to make the relationship work as you have children involved.

I want you to do a swot analysis for him and your relationship where you would look at his strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. SWOT Analysis is a tool to help you analyze your relationship in depth and to think about the potential of the relationship. The goal of this exercise would be to increase your awareness of your partner and how it affects your relationship. Some other things to consider are his ability as a parent. The strengths and weaknesses are some parts that you may have control over relatively in your relationships. This will help you develop a plan in setting boundaries and future goals for your relationship. I hope this was helpful and I do encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional for your personal growth and for your relationship.

Best,

Dr. Saima 

(PHD, MS, MA)