Alcohol Answers

How can I stop holding everything in, stop feeling lonely and stop ruining all my relationships?

Hi SB! Thank you for asking this question. It is really courageous of you to reach out for support on BetterHelp at this time. The fact that you are seeking out advice and guidance on this topic reflects some of your many positive traits. What are some of your other strengths? Take some time to make a list of your qualities, talents and strengths as a warm up activity for the day. I understand that you mentioned that you have been holding everything in. It sounds like you have been holding on to your thoughts, feelings and emotions for quite some time. Would you be willing to learn more strategies on how to effectively express your feelings? I would like to advise you to start this process by shifting the wording of your goal from "to stop feeling lonely" to something along the lines of: "to feel better about myself by releasing emotions, including relinquishing lonely feelings." By doing this, you are giving yourself a chance to release feelings that you harbor as well as recognize that the feeling of loneliness is something that you would like to change. That being said, I can certainly relate to you, your experience and your intentions. It may be imperative for you to not feel lonely anymore. I am wondering if you can continue to rephrase your goals into something that seems more realistic and in your own words. Loneliness is a very valid feeling and it would be highly unlikely that any individual would completely stop feeling that way forever. Loneliness can certainly be an uncomfortable feeling. I can see why you would want to change this experience, for sure. That seems like a natural, innate reaction. I would like to encourage you to refocus your energy on decreasing the frequency and intensity of the feeling of loneliness rather than trying to stop this experience all together. What are some things that you can do to feel less lonely? The first thought comes to mind, for me, is to try to establish a sense of connection with other people in your life. It may be helpful to explore the concept of loneliness because all feelings serve a purpose. Perhaps this experience of feeling lonely can even be a motivator for change! How would you say that loneliness plays a role in your life? Also, what has been going on in your life recently that has been causing you to believe that you have been ruining your relationships? I realize that you are trying to focus on improving your relationships. That sounds like another great goal. Who would you say is in your inner support circle? I encourage you to print this circle of support worksheet and fill in the names of people, places and institutions in which you derive support from. Create a "block list" in one of the corners of the handout to signify the people and things that do not serve you in a supportive and healing manner. This activity will remind you of who you trust to support you as well as who you are willing to commit to staying away from for the time being. Here is the circle of support worksheet by Connect in the North: In addition to filling out the circle of support worksheet, I would like to encourage you to take some time for therapeutic art making. Coloring or drawing within a circular format can bring feelings of relaxation and healing. Take some time to color in a mandala with colored pencils, pastels and crayons. Write your feelings in the mandala and trace the circular shape. Color over the feelings that you wrote with a neutral color or your favorite colors. This may be a very beneficial activity for you to try. I also recommend attending individual counseling sessions. You may want to consider attending a group therapy session or a groupinar, as well. I realize that it may be difficult to reach out for support initially and you may notice yourself feeling hesitant about opening up about your experiences in a therapeutic setting. Nonetheless, I would like to encourage you to try your best to build upon your support system. Thank you again for asking this essential question on the topic of making life improvements and bettering your life. I hope that my response to your question has been helpful for you in some way. I want to wish you all the best on your therapeutic journey. Have a nice day!
Answered on 11/10/2022

How do I get past the hurt I was caused during an alcoholic relapse of my partner? I hurt

I'm so sorry that this is something you have had to experience. After something traumatic happens in our lives we are determined to figure out how to get past it, but since memories cannot be erased from our minds it is our responsibility to find a way to live with these memories that is manageable and healthy. The very first thing that would be helpful to focus on is ourselves and how to heal. Self-compassion is a very tough skill to master, we as humans were not taught how to be self-compassionate effectively so when it comes time to address our suffering we are uncomfortable. We must realize that we deserve to give ourselves just as much care and concern that we would give to others in times like this; by virtue of being a human we are worthy of it. We have the power to heal ourselves when we put in effort and work, it is the most genuine and loving thing we can do for ourselves. After investing time in yourself and your healing, then you can consider where you stand regarding your relationship with your partner. It would be a great time to first ask yourself and honestly answer "Is my safety (literal and perceived) at stake?" "Is this relationship something I can handle right now?" "Will I be able to heal for my sake and stay true to myself if I resume being in this relationship?" and "Is the love that we have worth putting in the work on both of our ends to fix the relationship? Would he even be willing to work on himself and work on the relationship?" These are all questions that would need to be addressed after you begin addressing your trauma because again, you are your best chance at getting better. Ultimately it is you who needs to be able to love yourself before you can consider giving and receiving love from someone else, especially since being with this person has caused you trauma and PTSD resulting. I really hope this was helpful, if you are looking to begin therapy to address your trauma I would be more than happy to help you through your journey. Please take care.
Answered on 10/11/2022