Other Answers

Thank you for asking this thoughtful question and for having genuine motivation to feel better. It takes courage to reach out for help, and your curiosity about BetterHelp can make the process of starting therapy feel less overwhelming. I understand how stressful it feels to want support but be worried about the cost. You are not alone. Many people face similar challenges. At this time, BetterHelp does not accept insurance, although the platform is currently working with various insurance carriers to join their network in the near future.   BetterHelp is a subscription-based platform which offers consistent access to mental health support and is billed monthly. You will be able to connect with your therapist weekly through messaging, live video or phone sessions, or by using the live chat feature. The convenience and flexibility are great benefits of this platform. The cost of therapy through BetterHelp ranges from $65 to $100 per week, which can be more affordable compared to traditional in person therapy. Although BetterHelp does not accept insurance at this time, the platform does accept HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. Lastly, financial aid is available for those who qualify and would be worth exploring. I appreciate you being vulnerable, sharing your needs, and seeking help. Therapy plays an important role in supporting people who are living with anger management challenges or struggles with their moods. Therapy provides a safe and structured space to understand, manage, and change difficult patterns. With anger, therapy helps individuals recognize their emotional triggers, learn healthier coping strategies, and develop tools for calming the body and mind before reactions escalate. It also allows people to practice new ways of expressing frustration in healthy ways.  When experiencing symptoms of a possible mood disorder such as Bipolar Disorder, it can be confusing, disruptive, or overwhelming. Therapy can help someone better understand their symptoms, notice early warning signs of mood shifts, and build routines that support stability. Over time, this not only helps with immediate symptom management but also promotes long-term resilience and improved quality of life. With mental health challenges, one of the most important first steps is to work with a qualified therapist to determine an accurate clinical picture and diagnosis. BetterHelp is the largest online therapy platform in the world, offering access to a wide network of mental health professionals who specialize in a variety of areas. Because the platform uses licensed clinicians, they are qualified to make diagnostic assessments within their field of practice, just as they would in a traditional setting.  Thank you again for asking about BetterHelp and insurance coverage. It shows that you are prioritizing your mental health. It’s a common question, and understanding your options can help you make the best decision for your health. While therapy is an investment, it often brings meaningful rewards for your overall well-being. Most importantly, reaching out for support already reflects great courage and strength. Take care.

Thanks for your question! There are several parameters that go into considering an appropriate mental health provider and service. For many, the considerations as to whether or not a provider covers insurance can be an integral factor when considering therapy. BetterHelp is working with certain insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (via state-limited options, given where the therapist is licensed to practice). Until then, BetterHelp’s flexible subscription model continues to be an option in order to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. These models offer membership packages ranging anywhere from $65-100 per week. These costs are typically charged once per month – or weekly – and costs per membership varies regarding several factors. These factors can include your geographical location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability, as well as any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply. Additionally, BetterHelp currently accepts HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. BetterHelp’s flexible membership options provide you with a wide-array of services outside of just individual therapy. These services can include asynchronous messaging, a feature that allows you to message with your therapist throughout the week in-between your sessions. Further, BetterHelp memberships grant you access to a journal feature, as well as the opportunity to attend classes or support groups. Classes are psych-ed presentations provided by numerous therapists on the BetterHelp platform. These classes offer course topics on areas such as boundaries and relationships, counseling theory, as well as grief. Groups are peer spaces where you’re able to collaborate with other BetterHelp members in a facilitated discussion surrounding certain topics like grief, depression management, as well as chronic pain.  Rest assured, there are a wide-array of options available to you on BetterHelp. I hope that this provides you with more insight regarding an appropriate decision for a therapeutic provider!  Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) Is BetterHelp a qualified medical expense?Do you have to pay upfront for BetterHelp?Is BetterHelp more expensive than therapy?Can I use HSA to pay for BetterHelp?Is BetterHelp insurance a qualified medical expense?What is the lowest cost of BetterHelp?How many sessions a week do I get with BetterHelp?How long do BetterHelp sessions last?Can I use BetterHelp once a month?What happens if I cancel a BetterHelp session?

Thank you for this relevant health question. I really appreciate you asking about the costs of therapy with BetterHelp and how insurance works with it. These are important and often confusing topics, and talking about them openly can help make therapy feel more accessible for others, too. BetterHelp is working with select insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (state-limited). Until then, BetterHelp's flexible subscription model continues to be an option to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. The cost of therapy through BetterHelp ranges from $65 to $100 per week, which can be more affordable compared to traditional in person therapy. BetterHelp also accepts HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. Lastly, financial aid is available for those who qualify. Traditional in-person therapy typically ranges from $100 to $250 per session, depending on location, provider experience, and specialization.  Working with a mental health professional can help you cultivate greater self-awareness, allowing you to better understand your emotions, behaviors, and triggers. Therapy can equip you with practical coping strategies for managing stress, anxiety, depression, or life transitions, while also supporting the development of stronger emotional regulation skills so you can respond to challenges with more calm and intention. Over time, therapy may also enhance your relationships by improving communication, strengthening boundaries, and fostering healthier ways of resolving conflict.  BetterHelp is the largest online therapy platform in the world, offering access to a wide network of mental health professionals who specialize in a variety of areas, such as anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and more. Thank you again for asking about BetterHelp and insurance coverage. It’s a common question, and understanding your options can help you make the best decision for your health.

Thank you for bringing this up. Wondering if BetterHelp is worth it is such a common and honest question, and it opens the door for a meaningful conversation. My immediate response is absolutely. Therapy in general brings about so much growth for a person, and it is no different when engaging in online therapy with BetterHelp.  BetterHelp is a subscription-based platform which offers consistent access to mental health support. You will be able to connect with your therapist weekly through messaging, live video or phone sessions, or by using the live chat feature. In addition, the platform allows unlimited messaging with your therapist between live sessions, providing more continuous care. The convenience and flexibility is wonderful. BetterHelp's flexible subscription model provides access to a large pool of vetted and licensed therapists.  In addition to the convenience and flexibility, the cost may be lower for you compared to traditional in person therapy. BetterHelp offers a flat monthly rate, which can be more affordable than per-session fees. The cost of therapy through BetterHelp ranges from $65 to $100 per week. Pricing is based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply. A few additional benefits of BetterHelp include privacy and comfort, as well as fewer geographic limitations. Meeting virtually can feel less intimidating to many and give you more control over the environment in which you engage in therapy. Also, you can connect with therapists licensed in your state without being limited to professionals in your specific town or city. Therapy can absolutely be worth it, though the benefits often depend on your goals, your readiness for change, and the therapeutic relationship you build. At its core, therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and patterns with a trained professional who can guide you toward greater clarity and growth. This rings true with BetterHelp and I believe you will find value in participating in therapy services through this platform. Thank you again for bringing this up. Take care. 

Thanks for bringing this up, it’s such a good question. Understanding how these platforms work can really help you make an informed choice about your care. BetterHelp is the largest online therapy platform in the world, and offers several benefits to its users. Let’s discuss how it works. To start, you answer a few questions to find a licensed therapist who fits your needs and preferences through the matching quiz. If you would like the ability to browse therapist profiles and choose on your own, this is a possibility as well. If for any reason you do not feel comfortable with your assigned therapist, you are able to switch easily, without any additional costs. Trust and comfort are critical pieces when starting therapy.  You will be able to connect with your therapist weekly through messaging, live video or phone sessions, or by using the live chat feature. In addition to your weekly therapy options, you will also have access to benefits such as group sessions and webinars, as well as the unique feature of secure and private journaling to track thought patterns and gain clarity on the emotions you are experiencing. The cost of therapy through BetterHelp ranges from $65 to $100 per week. Pricing is based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply. BetterHelp accepts HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. Traditional in-person therapy typically ranges from $100 to $250 per session, depending on location, provider experience, and specialization. Premium rates are more common in high cost urban areas like New York or San Francisco.  BetterHelp is working with select insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (state-limited). Until then, BetterHelp's flexible subscription model continues to be an option to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. I hope this is helpful in understanding BetterHelp a little more and how to engage with this portal. Therapy offers a safe, supportive space to explore your thoughts and emotions, gain insight into patterns, and develop healthier ways of coping. I encourage you to continue to explore the benefits of BetterHelp. Good luck!

Thank you for bringing up this question. I can understand how navigating costs of therapy can be overwhelming, and using health insurance is an important thing to consider. Medicaid is a public health insurance program in the United States that provides free or low-cost health coverage to eligible individuals and families, including those with low income, people with disabilities, and certain older adults. While BetterHelp does not currently accept Medicaid, they are working with select insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (state-limited). Until then, BetterHelp's flexible subscription model continues to be an option to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. BetterHelp is the largest online therapy platform in the world. This platform provides online therapy services for people with a variety of mental health needs. The mental health professionals who offer these services on the platform are vetted licensed therapists, professional counselors, licensed clinical social workers, and psychologists. We offer live video sessions with our clients, as well as live phone and chat sessions. In addition, you would have access to messaging with your therapist, journaling, support groups, and classes. BetterHelp is a subscription-based platform, which means it may be more affordable than per session fees. The cost of therapy through BetterHelp ranges from $65 to $100 per week. Pricing is based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply. BetterHelp accepts HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. Traditional in-person therapy typically ranges from $100 to $250 per session, depending on location, provider experience, and specialization. Premium rates are more common in high cost urban areas like New York or San Francisco. Therapy can be deeply beneficial in many ways. Therapy offers a safe, supportive space to explore your thoughts and emotions, gain insight into patterns, and develop healthier ways of coping. It can reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress, while helping you improve communication, relationships, and emotional regulation. Over time, therapy often leads to greater resilience, self-awareness, and personal growth.  If you are in need of finding a Medicaid approved mental health professional, I encourage you to check out your state’s Medicaid website. In addition, you can always reach out to your primary care provider for a referral. If you are interested in learning more about the amazing benefits with BetterHelp, please take a look at the wealth of information on the website. I believe you will be pleased with all that we have to offer.  Thank you again for asking this important question. Take care. 

Thank you for asking this question. Many people may be curious on whether or not the therapists with BetterHelp can prescribe medication. The quick answer is no, mental health providers with BetterHelp are unable to prescribe medication. This has to do with scope of practice and licensure.  BetterHelp is the largest online therapy platform in the world. This platform provides online therapy services for people with a variety of mental health needs. The mental health care providers who offer these services on the platform are licensed therapists, professional counselors, licensed clinical social workers, and psychologists. These types of mental health professionals are trained to offer counseling services, but they are not medical professionals.  Psychotropic medication used to treat mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and more can only be prescribed by qualified medical professionals with the appropriate training and legal licensure. These medical professionals who can prescribe medication include psychiatrists, primary care physicians, pediatricians, and psychiatric nurse practitioners.  BetterHelp includes a network of online therapists who specialize in specific issues such as stress, anxiety, relationships, parenting, depression, addictions, trauma, anger, family conflicts, LGBT matters, grief, self esteem, and more.  Therapy offers a supportive and safe space where individuals can begin to notice and understand the patterns in their thinking that may be fueling anxiety, depression, or other emotional distress. These patterns can shape how a person views themselves, others, and the world. A therapist can help a client explore which of these thoughts may be unhelpful, unrealistic, or self-critical. From there, clients can learn healthier ways to respond to challenging situations, practice more compassionate self-talk, and begin to shift their internal dialogue. In addition, therapy can offer healthy coping tools, such as grounding techniques, breathing exercises, or behavioral strategies, to manage symptoms in the moment.  Although BetterHelp therapists are unable to write prescriptions, they are able to refer clients to a medical professional for medication management. This is where communication with your therapist is so important. For many mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or ADHD, the front line treatment may be therapy and medication together. When a person is experiencing more complex and persistent symptoms, the combination is often more effective than either approach alone.  I hope this helps clarify who can and cannot prescribe medication. I know this information will be helpful to many. Take care.

Thanks for your question! There are several parameters that go into considering an appropriate mental health provider and service. For many, the considerations as to whether or not a provider covers insurance can be an integral factor when considering therapy. BetterHelp is working with certain insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (via state-limited options, given where the therapist is licensed to practice). Until then, BetterHelp’s flexible subscription model continues to be an option in order to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. These models offer membership packages ranging anywhere from $65-100 per week. These costs are typically charged once per month – or weekly – and costs per membership varies regarding several factors. These factors can include your geographical location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability, as well as any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply. Additionally, BetterHelp currently accepts HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. BetterHelp’s flexible membership options provide you with a wide-array of services outside of just individual therapy. These services can include asynchronous messaging, a feature that allows you to message with your therapist throughout the week in-between your sessions. Further, BetterHelp memberships grant you access to a journal feature, as well as the opportunity to attend classes or support groups. Classes are psych-ed presentations provided by numerous therapists on the BetterHelp platform. These classes offer course topics on areas such as boundaries and relationships, counseling theory, as well as grief. Groups are peer spaces where you’re able to collaborate with other BetterHelp members in a facilitated discussion surrounding certain topics like grief, depression management, as well as chronic pain.  Rest assured, there are a wide-array of options available to you on BetterHelp. I hope that this provides you with more insight regarding an appropriate decision for a therapeutic provider! 

Thank you for your question. Let’s talk a bit more about general BetterHelp pricing!Prices tend to range from $65 to $100 per week, billed every four weeks. A BetterHelp membership includes: Smart provider matching Ability to message your therapist any time Live chat, phone, or video sessions Journaling Group Sessions & Classes Flexibility to change therapists anytime Access from anywhere Cost variation is based on several parameters. These parameters can include aspects such as geographical location, referral source, member preferences, therapist availability, as well as any applicable discounts or promotions may apply. BetterHelp employs a Member Success Team which is a team of personnel dedicated to assist you with any membership specific questions, adjustments with membership fees, as well as aspects like being assigned a different therapist.  While it can be complicated to consider an appropriate therapy option, BetterHelp provides quite the variety of services for relatively cost-effective membership plans. I’m hopeful that this information assists you in making an informed decision!

Thanks for your question! There are several parameters that go into considering an appropriate mental health provider and service. For many, mental health coverage and the considerations as to whether or not a provider is covered by your insurance company can be an integral factor when considering therapy. If you have specific questions about your insurance coverage or the mental health benefits of your health insurance plan, you can contact your insurance provider directly. BetterHelp is working with certain insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (via state-limited options, given where the therapist is licensed to practice). Until then, BetterHelp’s flexible subscription model continues to be an option in order to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. These models offer membership packages ranging anywhere from $65-100 per week. These costs are typically charged once per month – or weekly – and costs per membership varies regarding several factors. These factors can include your geographical location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability, as well as any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply. Additionally, BetterHelp currently accepts health savings account and flexible spending account HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. BetterHelp’s flexible membership options provide you with a wide-array of mental health treatment and services outside of just individual therapy session. These services can include asynchronous messaging, a feature that allows you to message with your therapist throughout the week in-between your sessions. Further, BetterHelp memberships grant you access to a journal feature, as well as the opportunity to attend classes or support groups. Classes are psych-ed presentations provided by numerous therapists on the BetterHelp platform. These classes offer course topics on areas such as boundaries and relationships, counseling theory, as well as grief. Groups are peer spaces where you’re able to collaborate with other BetterHelp members in a facilitated discussion surrounding certain topics like grief, depression management, as well as chronic pain.  Rest assured, there are a wide-array of options available to you when you work with a licensed mental health professional on BetterHelp. I hope that this provides you with more insight regarding an appropriate decision for  mental health services from a therapeutic provider! 

Thank you for your question. Let’s talk a bit more about general BetterHelp pricing!Prices tend to range from $65 to $100 per week, billed every four weeks. A BetterHelp membership includes: Smart provider matching Ability to message your therapist any time Live chat, phone, or video sessions Journaling Group Sessions & Classes Flexibility to change therapists anytime Access from anywhere Cost variation is based on several parameters. These parameters can include aspects such as geographical location, referral source, member preferences, therapist availability, as well as any applicable discounts or promotions may apply. BetterHelp employs a Member Success Team which is a team of personnel dedicated to assist you with any membership specific questions, adjustments with membership fees, as well as aspects like being assigned a different therapist.  While it can be complicated to consider an appropriate therapy option, BetterHelp provides quite the variety of services for relatively cost-effective membership plans. I’m hopeful that this information assists you in making an informed decision!

BetterHelp is working with select insurance carriers to join their network. Some therapists on the BetterHelp platform now accept insurance (state-limited). Until then, BetterHelp's flexible subscription model continues to be an option to receive quality care from an extensive therapist network. Thank you for this question. BetterHelp continues to work to expand their access options. Currently, BetterHelp offers memberships that are billed monthly. These membership options vary in reference to client features, frequency of visits, as well as use of messaging. By client features, this means access to options on the BetterHelp platform such as classes, support groups, journaling, messaging, as well as individual therapy sessions.  Classes are psych-ed, webinar-style presentations led by a presenter that last for 60 minutes. Classes can be attended as often as one likes as a part of their BetterHelp membership. Classes range from a variate of topics, including but not limited to the following:  Boundaries and relationships Counseling theories Health and wellness Sleep hygiene Communication strategies Grief and loss Trauma response Support groups are 90-minute engagements held on the Zoom platform facilitated by a therapist. Support groups aren’t intended to be therapy groups, but rather, collaborative spaces where facilitated discussion amongst peers occurs. These spaces are a great place for members to get to know other fellow BetterHelpers, while also navigating difficult situations from a peer-oriented perspective. BetterHelp members also have access to a journal feature that’s designed to generate writing prompts and can be used standalone to write journal entries open-ended. Should you choose, these journal entries can also be shared with your therapist. Note, the journal feature does not automatically default to sharing with your therapists. BetterHelp values your privacy, therefore, the feature defaults to remaining anonymous to you.  All BetterHelp members also have access to individual sessions with their primary therapists. Once assigned a therapist, you have the ability to message your therapist asynchronously. Further, most membership options allow for you to meet with your therapist weekly for either 30- or 45-minute therapy sessions. Memberships vary depending on cost and individual session frequency. Rest assured, BetterHelp has a Member Success Team that can assist you with any questions or adjustments you may have and/or need to make regarding your memberships.

Hi Theresa!  Thank you for reaching out for some help with that! Identifying your feelings can be a huge step in learning more about how to control them.  As humans, we have six basic emotions; sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise and disgust. There are many, many feelings that branch off of those categories. It sounds like you are already able to identify when you are happy and sad, which is a great place to start!  Our feelings are closely related to our thoughts. These are both closely related to our behaviors. Usually happiness is when you are having positive thoughts. Sadness and anger are related to more negative thoughts. Angry negative thoughts usually contain more energy than sad negative thoughts. Sad ones usually cause our behaviors to be more quiet and reserved while anger causes our behaviors to become louder and more aggressive.  Fear, surprise and disgust can be a little more difficult to identify. Usually when someone is afraid, they are thinking that they or someone they care about is going to get hurt in some way. Surprise is a feeling you get when your thoughts are unexpected. Disgust is what happens when you really dislike something someone else or you yourself did, or said. Pay attention to your thoughts and it will be helpful in identifying your emotions.  If you start with identifying those six basic emotions as you feel them, you can eventually grow to identify some more intricate feelings. That is a difficult skill though. Not many people could state the difference between joy and happiness or between irritated and frustrated and that's okay! It is also okay for every one to have their own variations to describe their feelings.  If you have difficulties identifying your own feelings, try identifying the feelings of people in TV shows. You can also identify the feelings of people who you trust, with their knowledge and permission that you are reading their emotions. They might be able to help tell you what their feelings are and what their face looks like in those feelings to help you learn more about emotions in general.  I wish you the best!  -Melissa 

Despite the fact that you said that your "trust has been shattered" it is very possible to heal and move on to have successful relationships. If you are interested in reviving your marriage that is one issue. If you are asking how to move forward and begin again that is another.  If your are working on your relationship couples therapy is advised. If it has ended and you are trying to work through what happened individual therapy is advised. In both instances you will learn how to heal and develop the skills to move forward. In both scenarios learning how to trust again is a key issue.  Understanding what happened and why in the context of your marriage is another.  What do you believe was the cause of the infidelity?  If you feel the relationship fell apart long ago for example was it due to communication issues?   Going through this story is a place to start.. Is there something you would do differently that you now realize that could have helped support the relationship?  Did you have a clear contract or understanding of the expectations of your relationship and moving forward what would that look like in a new relationship or a revision of the prior one. In order to move forward you have to understand your part in all of this and what you could do to improve your communication. In order to trust however you will have to be clear with your partner what your concerns and needs are. Is reassurance from your partner to rebuild your trust a part of it?  This is generally "a yes" so how much reassurance is enough or too much to require from a new partner? These are all questions to consider as it is personal to you and your needs. The level of intensity of what you need will also change in time once trust is re-established but it will take some time and you have to be patient, vocal about your needs and optimistic. Having corrective experiences with your old or new partner is also part of the healing  process and how you learn to trust again  so you can feel safe and assured. Be clear on what you expect and what you can tolerate.  Avoid acting out in passive-aggressive ways because you find that you are angry. It is far better to talk these things out. If you are considering reviving your prior relationship what part does forgiveness play in it for you? Be aware that your healing process will take time and your emotions will come in waves of feeling as when you are grieving. At times you may feel you are moving past the pain and then suddenly something triggers you and it can feel more intense but this improves over time  with more positive experiences and open communication. This painful situation can be an opportunity to learn and grow and make necessary changes in your life  where you can be open and transparent with your partner with maximum intimacy.  Infidelity can be an "awful event" but it does not have to define the rest of your life.  Leverage it as a "jump off point" to redefine the importance of relationships in your life and how you want to live moving forward. Be clear if you are starting anew how to select the right partner. Get to know each other and talk about what you have been through so they are aware and can support you and vice versa.  This experience if handled correctly can help you improve communication, set boundaries and experience personal resilience. This process is worth it but you have to be committed as initially it can prove quite painful as you review what you have been through to better understand it, learn from it and allow for closure. Be aware as well of self-pity and self-blame neither of which would be helpful to get stuck in.  As you review what happened it is better to find areas that you can avoid and improve so this experience teaches you something of meaning that you can help you grow as a person. If you are seeking your own healing and not in your prior relationship then it is advised that you engage in your own therapy to first verbalize what happened and your feelings about it-the pain, the anger and the betrayal. When you have been able to do that the next step would be rebuilding and what you would like to experience in a healthier future relationship. This includes what to look for in a partner, how to communicate and how to manage triggers and fears that will arise as you try to form a new and healthier attachment to another. In this process you would benefit from knowing your own areas of vulnerability so you can express that with your partner and teach them how to best interact with you in a way that is comforting and soothing. I commend you for what you are about to embark on and wish you the best!

Dre, It's an honor to take your question and to provide what I have learned both personally and professionally from working with clients such as yourself with similar struggles and similar questions. Personally and professionally, I am a huge believer in what we call attachment theory. Attachment theory shapes an individual from the "womb to the tomb." Attachment theory is literally what the name suggests--attachment. It begins in utero. Babies can feel love in utero, before birth. Love and attachment shape them as they mature into children, teens, and adults. We are each created with a need for others and to live in community from the moment we are conceived, and that need must be tended to while in utero and beyond. However, because we live in an imperfect world, we are all "wounded," and we are wounded in how we give and receive love. Children need the love of both parents, because both parents offer something totally different in how they shape and love their child and build healthy attachment. That was absent for you--you only had your mother in her home of origin.  Single mothers are often pulled in so many directions, and their batteries often drain fast. Therefore, it is hard for single parents to give their children everything those children need. Even though, "this is what it is," it still creates gaps, woundedness, problems, immaturity, etc. for children in areas of academic and social functioning. Children that grow up in single parent homes also often play comparison games--as seen in your first statement, that you think others are much more effective in their communicating than you. And it can often go beyond that. Many children from single parent homes have some "distorted thinking" believing that anyone else and everyone else had it or has it "better." This is never the case, but it is often what is believed. Also, I think there is a lot to unpack in your statement of how you stay quiet and observe others so that you are not taken advantage of. But I want to be careful here--I don't want to draw assumptions and dive too deep, but do think this is an interesting statement. In reading these areas of confusion, timidity, and lack of self-assurance, these lead me to think that you may struggle with what I call "people pleasing" and may be unsure of who you are and what you believe--that is, what your value system is. To know who you are and who you want to be--even your legacy-- is the foundation on which we build good communication skills, identity, friend groups, and healthy relationships. It also helps to build confidence in your identity as man, as a black man, and a man that may enjoy being more of an introvert--that is to be celebrated! Not all people are to be men, introverted, or of one race. The beauty and diversity of our world should be celebrated! Celebrate the fact that you are a man, a black man, and that you are more observant--that is beautiful.  So how can you succeed in social settings and have improved communication that draws people in rather than push them away? 1. I would encourage you to first do some healing work with accepting your past and accepting who you are in the present. 2. Give some thought to your value system and your future self. Who do you want to be? How do you start and how to finish those goals? What are you daily habits (looking for consistency here and routine) because daily habits accomplish your goals. What do you stand for? How do you want people to see you? What do you want to be known for? What do you believe? What do you want to accomplish with your life? Etc? 3. Create daily habits that honor caring for yourself and engaging with others. 4. Look for friends who are interested in you and desire to know you and also want to be known by you. Look for friends who are healthy--mentally, physically, and financially. Look for friends you can learn from and who can learn from you. You have more to offer than I think you may realize. And if you would like to explore more of this in depth, I would be honored to work with you! But I hope this at least gets you started in critically and reflectively thinking about you and who you want to be.

Hi Z, There are some things that you could do to help you. Just know that jealousy is a normal human emotion but it's learning your triggers and what you tend to do when you are jealous that is important. At some point in time in our life we will most likely be jealous here or there, it is when we feel like it is a problem or if it is constant that we have to start trying different things.  One of the most important things to do is to take some time for self-exploration and digging deep into you to try and understand why you are jealous. Learning self-awareness and trying to identify your insecurities and talking them out is important in this case. We all have our own insecurities that we need to work on and that is ok. There is usually some underlying reason behind these kinds of feelings. When we are digging deep and exploring ourselves it can feel uncomfortable but it is necessary. If we do not know the why then we will have a hard time identifying our triggers and if we can not identify our triggers then we do not really know how we can cope with it. So this would be your very first step in this process that you are going through.  When you are in a relationship and you feel jealous feelings it is very important to communicate this with your partner. Have an open conversation with them and they can give you insight and help guide you. If you keep it inside it can build up and cause you to get upset with your partner and them having no clue why. Keeping open communicate would be extremely important.  Also learning different coping skills to help deal with your jealous feelings could overall be helpful. You know you are a jealous person which is good that you are aware of that but trying to find the why, the triggers and then different skills to help you get through the feeling will overall be beneficial for you.  When we let these feelings get in the way it can cause a negative impact on ourselves, our relationships and the people around us so it's good that you are starting today asking these questions. 

Hi Lara,  Thank you for reaching out to get some guidance on this issue. Burn-out can be a challenging thing to overcome. I am so glad you are actively working to make positive changes in your life so that it is not impacting your overall well-being so much! A job is just that-a job. It does not define you or control you. Your mental health is much more important. I'm proud of you for recognizing that!  One very helpful thing that I like to do as a therapist is to start by helping people to identify their strengths! I can see a lot of those in you in just those few sentences that you sent. You are working to better your life and you recognize that your issues are caused by burnout. You have identified where the burnout has come from. This is all great. You also care about your partner and you are doing your best to maintain a healthy relationship. Your partner is also supportive. What other strengths can you identify about yourself and your life?  Feeling insecure is normal when you are in a toxic environment. It does not mean you are not enough or that you are not accomplishing enough, the issue is within the workplace. Focus on the facts. As humans, our brains like to form thoughts and feelings that are not based on facts. these are called cognitive distortions and they cause a lot of the feelings you are currently experiencing. An example of this is; you feel insecure at work despite doing better than is required. What thoughts are you having that are leading to this feeling? I can't say for sure but my guess is that it is a cognitive distortion! What caused that distortion? It could be any number of things. Maybe the way you were treated in the workplace? Make sure you are setting boundaries at work that are healthy for you. If you are scheduled to work until 4:00 and you are asked to stay until 5:00, unless you truly desire to stay at work late, it's okay to say no. You have to focus on yourself and do what is best for you.  Take some time to do things that you enjoy doing. Do you have any hobbies or interests? Try to spend time doing those things after work or on your days off.  Also, ensure that you are maintaining healthy communication with your partner! Did he say that he has issues with all of this or are those cognitive distortions? Talk with him about them and explore how he feels so that you are aware and you can base your feelings on facts. Maybe there is a solution you can work out together.  I wish you the best!  -Melissa 

When we find ourselves in a position in our lives where we are not being our biggest supporters, second guessing our decisions or choices, and turning more to others than trusting our guts we can often become discouraged. It is very typical and even important to have a connection to others. We have support systems of friends and family that we typically turn to for support, guidance and comfort. This is more than okay. It is part of the human experience to seek out connections to others. The time where this can be alarming is if we find ourselves not trusting or turning to ourselves for support, comfort, or answers. This can occur due to events where we decided for ourselves, things did not work out how we intended, and others then making comments on how they could see that coming and would have advised it differently. It can also occur as a result of trauma or even heartbreak. The underlying reason can be good to know as it may prevent future moments of cheering ourselves on or trusting our gut. Getting to the underlying issue can be done by meeting with a professional therapist. They can ask questions to assist with deeper exploration, gain insight, and tailor specific ways to overcome it. You can also start small things on your own to rebuild your confidence and self-support. Below are a few ideas or things to try. 1-      Start dating yourself. This may sound silly but start with getting to know yourself. What are your likes, dislikes, or favorite things? What are your interests, hobbies, or things you truly enjoy doing? Finding these out may assist you with getting to know yourself better as well as reconnecting to yourself. 2-      Identify positives in yourself. Often times when we doubt ourselves we tend to be looking at the negative within ourselves. It is sometimes easier to see the negative or areas where we feel short than see the positive and strengths. Try throughout your day to identify the positives and strengths. Take the time to write them down so when you are struggling you are able to look back and remember. 3-      Make a pros and cons list. When you need to make a decision first spend some time identifying the pros and cons for yourself. You can then talk about this with your support system and add their thoughts then based on the information from both your supportive system and yourself you can make an informed decision. 4-      Recognize the little supports. Notice in your life the little things you do to support yourself. When are you able to identify your needs and wants. Doing this will allow you to see areas where you are your biggest supporter. It will also add to you getting to know yourself a little better. Starting to regain connection to self begins with awareness which you have due to recognizing this and by reaching out for support. Give these suggestions a try and as mentioned earlier reach out to a professional to assist with the underlying issues that may also be contributing to this for you. 

Thank you for reaching out and for submitting your question. You ask something which a great many people struggle with either throughout or at least at some point in their life. It is a quite common concern. The reality of being human, and the truth of life, is that there will be good times as well as times which knock us down. There are times during which we experience peace and those other periods where it seems absolutely nothing is as we’d prefer it to be. There are good years and there are bad ones, too. And sometimes we don’t just get struck down by one singular struggle at a time, rather it seems a whole bunch come at us all at once. When life events happen which turn everything upside down it is normal to feel happiness fade. We might have losses, breakups, health conditions, housing concerns – any number of stressful, hard things might befall us. The majority of people will experience multiple major losses and challenges over the course of their lives. You will probably find it difficulty to find many people who profess, at the end, that the entirety of their life was one blessing and joy after another. It is a natural thing to face difficulties and to thus endure sadness and grief. But sometimes, the sadness goes on. Sometimes it appears for no particular reason. In such cases, there might be a mood disorder such as depression. It is a fairly common condition. And many people will experience one or more episodes during their life. It can exist entirely on its own, or also be present alongside other diagnoses. And some medications, too, can trigger depressive symptoms. Happiness tends to be a pleasurable emotion which results because of something. A certain experience can make us happy. A particular situation. It is based on circumstances and objects. And feelings tend to ebb and flow. An emotion we feel can change based on external conditions. Emotions and feelings can be fickle and always changing. Alternatively, there is joy. This is something which we can find even during times of difficulty. We can cultivate joy regardless of the externals – in spite of the externals. Getting an A on a paper you wrote might being a moment of happiness. But pursuing a meaningful activity may result in lasting joy. When life becomes especially challenging, it becomes more important than ever to dedicate ourselves to a routine and to purposefully, intentionally pursue joy. None of this will look identically the same for everyone. But there are some strategies which could be helpful and are worth considering. Volunteering is one way to introduce joy into our life. We take the focus of ourselves, we keep our mind from ruminating on our struggles, and turn outward to give. Giving is a remarkably effective way to receive joy yourself. Gratitude is another helpful strategy to employ. There is always at leasy one small thing to be grateful for. Pay more attention to what is good. Be deliberate about seeking those things out. Perhaps your feet are cold and you have warm socks to put on. How good! Maybe the sun is shining after a couple days of gloom and rain. Can you be grateful for that? Be watchful for any small thing to be positive about. Consider keeping a list. Maybe buy a special notebook and write down anything you can find to be grateful for. This can lead in to what might be the opposite – stay away from the negative. If there are people you know who tend to be heavy on gloom and doom, it might be time to limit your interactions with them. The people around us, and those whom we spend a lot of time with, can have great influence over us and our moods. Of course, if they tend to be negative, then it is not so great. Those type of people might contribute to worsening your symptoms of sadness. Be mindful of who you are around. Seek out people who will lift you up more and who tend towards the positive. Make sure you stay active. Regular physical activity is proven to impact our moods and well-being. It does not have to be anything formal or require significant exertion. A casual walk around the block is wonderful way to get some movement in. Plus, some fresh air and sun will further be helpful to you. Think about what brings you pleasure. What things in life do you enjoy? See how you might add more of these to your day.Consider some new hobbies or activities. A new pursuit can bring new energy into your life. Plus, it might be a good way to widen your circle and meet people with common interests. While these “self-help” types of ideas can be helpful, they may not be sufficient. So, if that is the case for you, and it sounds like it will be since you have quite a bit going on, that is okay. But there are people out there who are ready to help you. People who will be at your side to walk with you through this challenging season. It sounds like you are perhaps finding yourself in a place in life where you need and could benefit from some additional guidance and support. Life can indeed get overwhelming sometimes. And we can’t seem to find the way out of the darkness all on our own. You are not alone. Consider finding a therapist to help you work through all the emotions and challenges which you are dealing with. When life become too much, and we can’t figure out how to make things different, a therapist can sit beside you and help you find the path forward. A therapist will help you make sense of what has happened. And will partner with you to figure out a plan for how to make things better.

Thank you for reaching out and submitting your question. I am sorry you are experiencing some difficulties and challenges in your life right now. You have pondered something which many people find themselves faced with at some point in their lives (or even at many, many points): do I need therapy? Is seeing a therapist the right thing for me to do?There are a variety of reasons why people attend therapy. For some, there is not any particular reason at all. They simply like having a neutral, objective person to talk to. Or perhaps they want to have meaningful discussions on the regular which help them explore themselves more deeply or which contribute to them getting a deeper understanding of their personal meaning and purpose in life. For others, there might be a situation reason. This could include a death or perhaps a child moving out of the home or a job change/loss or some other major life event. At these times in life we find ourselves struggling and in need of some added support. Theses sorts of things lead many people into the therapy room. There is, too, a variety of mental health diagnoses which become too much to manage. Symptoms begin making it harder to function in daily life and in relationships. This can include every diagnosis which exists from anxiety and depression to bipolar. Here are some things which could be a good indicator that therapy may be helpful to you:Maybe you are avoiding social situations. If you begin to isolate more, and are withdrawing from your friends and family, it could be indicative of some other concerns. We all have those times when we want to be on our own, but there are times when it just becomes more than normal – it is more than just wanting some peace and quiet for a short bit. You just feel like life is too much sometimes. You maybe struggle to get the basics done. Things which were easy to do are now incredibly hard to tackle. You could feel extra challenged when it is time to make decisions. You could be feeling hopeless. It can sometimes hard to look into the future and feel anything positive. You maybe no longer see a light at the end of the tunnel. It has gone dark with signs of ever turning back on. This could be a sign of depression. There has been a change in your eating. Some people find they begin eating more. For others, they go the opposite way and start eating much less. If you are struggling you might notice a change in your eating habits. You are noticing issues with work or school. It could be hard to focus and concentrate. You feel like it is all too much to manage. You might lose interest in what you are doing. There is no longer much enjoyment in the things you found fun before. You can begin to feel disconnected. You lose interest in hobbies. Often, when someone is considering therapy, and wondering if they might benefit, then it is clear there is something amiss and you are not feeling your best. Essentially, if you have to ask, then something is wrong and so the answer would be yes. In fact, we all could benefit from added support. The issues which you mention are ones which bring many people to therapy. The reality is that many people begin therapy simply because things are not going well. They might not even be able to put into words what is happening. They might not understand why it is happening. Every therapist is prepared and accustomed to this. Many people just feel like they are struggling and they enter the therapy room with more questions than answers. This is normal. If you do decide to try therapy, you have the option of ending care whenever you like. There are no requirements to continue if you find it does not feel like the right choice. Also, it is always acceptable to change to a new therapist at any time if you find you aren’t connecting. Often, people need to switch to a new therapist due to moving or they need to find one who specializes in a particular concern. Therapy can help. There is considerable research which validates how effective it can be. If things continue to be a struggle, think about giving therapy a try. The reality is that having extra support is always a positive and pretty nearly everyone could benefit from therapy.