Why do I struggle to be my biggest supporter?

I recently realized that whenever there is a minor issue I always go running to people for comfort. It feels too lonely and heart breaking having to do it alone. I am not confident that I can be my biggest supporter. All this affects my confidence.
Asked by Kele

When we find ourselves in a position in our lives where we are not being our biggest supporters, second guessing our decisions or choices, and turning more to others than trusting our guts we can often become discouraged. It is very typical and even important to have a connection to others. We have support systems of friends and family that we typically turn to for support, guidance and comfort. This is more than okay. It is part of the human experience to seek out connections to others. The time where this can be alarming is if we find ourselves not trusting or turning to ourselves for support, comfort, or answers. This can occur due to events where we decided for ourselves, things did not work out how we intended, and others then making comments on how they could see that coming and would have advised it differently. It can also occur as a result of trauma or even heartbreak. The underlying reason can be good to know as it may prevent future moments of cheering ourselves on or trusting our gut. Getting to the underlying issue can be done by meeting with a professional therapist. They can ask questions to assist with deeper exploration, gain insight, and tailor specific ways to overcome it.

You can also start small things on your own to rebuild your confidence and self-support. Below are a few ideas or things to try.

1-      Start dating yourself. This may sound silly but start with getting to know yourself. What are your likes, dislikes, or favorite things? What are your interests, hobbies, or things you truly enjoy doing? Finding these out may assist you with getting to know yourself better as well as reconnecting to yourself.

2-      Identify positives in yourself. Often times when we doubt ourselves we tend to be looking at the negative within ourselves. It is sometimes easier to see the negative or areas where we feel short than see the positive and strengths. Try throughout your day to identify the positives and strengths. Take the time to write them down so when you are struggling you are able to look back and remember.

3-      Make a pros and cons list. When you need to make a decision first spend some time identifying the pros and cons for yourself. You can then talk about this with your support system and add their thoughts then based on the information from both your supportive system and yourself you can make an informed decision.

4-      Recognize the little supports. Notice in your life the little things you do to support yourself. When are you able to identify your needs and wants. Doing this will allow you to see areas where you are your biggest supporter. It will also add to you getting to know yourself a little better.

Starting to regain connection to self begins with awareness which you have due to recognizing this and by reaching out for support. Give these suggestions a try and as mentioned earlier reach out to a professional to assist with the underlying issues that may also be contributing to this for you.