Am I a fraud? Am I broken?

I'm constantly boiling with anger, it's gotten worse in the last 5 years. I want to scream, break stuff, make people pay for everything I think they do or say behind my back and I can barely hold it. I feel like I might explode, it's hard to focus, to think straight, to feel anything else. I feel like it's replacing my every thought.
In years in and out of therapy, I found almost no answers. I thought a stable job, a relationship and self care would have helped but they didn't. I can't accept that this is who I am.
What's wrong with me?
Asked by Traust

Hello there,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way and I am sorry that previous therapy has been unsuccessful. It would be interesting to know why the therapy did not work as maybe it could be a certain modality that did not work for you.

Usually pent up anger stems from somewhere else and we cannot usually make the link on our own, but it comes out in all other ways and towards things that are not usually to blame. I would definitely say this is not who you are nor that there is anything wrong with you. Just that an unhelpful way of expressing your feelings has been learnt and to unlearn it without knowing what the deep rooted cause is, is difficult. Anger is just an emotion, it tells us information like we feel something is unfair or unjust, or were perceiving disrespect or threats/neglect. Anger is not the issue, it is simply how you are expressing your anger that needs the work! You are allowed to feel angry! And you are allowed to express your anger.

Going forward, it would be good to explore the situations that trigger your anger in order to find a theme. Then we could look at what other emotions might be happening alongside the anger which make is so overwhelming. Usually there are several other emotions happening alongside anger or under anger which makes us feel so overwhelmed we can explode. We can identify the warning signs we get just before we explode as this is the best place to intervene and choose differently. Then finally, looking at healthier choices to make when angry, which is hard and takes real motivation to change, but it is possible. A few coping strategies that are useful is taking long deep breaths fur 5-10 minutes to calm all the physiological symptoms. Walking away from the triggering situation and being outside also helps. Also, a favorite of mine is screaming into a pillow. Feels awkward at first but really helps.

I hope that this information has been useful and I wish you every success in learning about your anger and learning to cope. 

(Postgraduate, Diploma, in, counselling, BSc, psychology, Psychotherapist)