What to do when anger takes over?

Asked by Anonymous
Answered
04/21/2021

            Thank you for your question, reader. Anger is a natural and normal emotional response to feeling threatened, so it is important to have the tools to manage anger effectively. When people feel angry, which can be an intense and often uncomfortable sensation, without knowing how to calm the body or express anger without aggression, it can lead to harmful outbursts of anger and even violence. Since anger is a natural occurrence, we cannot always control when we will feel angry. However, we can learn how to diffuse and express anger in a way that does not hurt others or ourselves.

Anger Management

            We often refer to the tools we use to identify and express anger as anger management skills. Tools to manage anger can be used to help a lesser feeling (like frustration) from building in intensity, and also to help calm the body and not act impulsively while in the process of feeling angry. Research suggests that the sooner a feeling of anger is addressed, the sooner the feeling can subside. Anger that is not identified and expressed has more of a chance of building over time, and therefore harder to handle later. So what can we do to help ourselves cope with anger?

            The following practices are effective for helping us manage anger and return to a calmer state of mind and body:

  • Know your bodily response to anger so that you can recognize when anger is building
  • When feeling angry, ask yourself “what am I angry about” and try to be specific.
  • Take at least 3 full, deep breaths from the abdomen
  • If possible, change your environment or remove yourself from the situation
  • Practice letting go of things beyond your control (For example, if you are feeling angry in traffic because you are running late, recognize that anger is not going to get you to your destination any faster).
  • Practice expressing yourself in an assertive, but non aggressive manner when angry. Use phrases that you can easily communicate when angry such as “I feel frustrated and need a moment”, or “I’m hitting my limit”.
  • Say to yourself “this anger is not helping me”, and practice channeling your energy into something more positive like rigorous exercise or dancing to upbeat music
  • Try to find some humor in your situation or think of something else that is very funny. Studies show that laughter can help diffuse anger.

If you are concerned about your level of anger or feel that you do not have the tools needed to manage it, please reach out to a mental health professional.