Are you allowed to be mad if someone says your meltdowns are just a tantrum?

I was having a meltdown and I needed someone to talk to. I texted my friend to have someone I could talk to but they got mad at me just because I texted saying “never mind bye” not wanting to bother them when I had a feeling he was prob out having fun at a concert. A week or 2 passed and then he texted me saying how disrespectful I was for that and eventually called my mental break down a tantrum and I stopped texting him after that.
Asked by Kiky

Hi Kiky! Thank you for your time reaching out for support on the BetterHelp platform. It is a really great sign that you are inquiring about ways to manage your current situation. The fact that you are seeking out guidance and advice truly speaks to your strengths, such as your bravery and resiliency. I truly hope that I can assist you in coming up with novel solutions in order to answer your question.

It sounds like you have been feeling concerned about the way the person you trusted reacted to the meltdown you were experiencing. It makes sense to me that you are feeling this way based on the information that you provided in your question. I can certainly understand that having a mental health meltdown can be a truly triggering as well as a really scary experience. It sounds like you really needed someone to talk to in that present moment. You did the right thing to reach out to someone who you trust for support.

Unfortunately, it appears that this person was unable to support you in the ways you were hoping for. Additionally, it sounds like you perceived them as being mad at you for reaching out during the meltdown moment. It seems like you were able to make the decision to disconnect from the conversation about observing his initial reaction. How would you have preferred this scenario to have gone?
Take some time to answer this question for yourself and journal about your recent experiences. This narrative therapy approach can be extremely beneficial as a means to tell your story. The therapeutic journaling process can be a powerful means of making progress towards self discovery.

First and foremost, I want to point out that this person's reaction does not reflect on you. To put this in perspective, his decision to say that you are acting disrespectful says more about him than it does about you in this situation. It sounds hurtful for him to say that and it makes sense that you stopped texting him. It is okay to feel upset, mad, frustrated, irritated, etc. about how he treated you. Take some time to identify how you are feeling using the feelings wheel. This free resource is online and will help you to pin point which emotions you are experiencing.

I want to take a moment to check in and see how you are doing. I realize that you have persevered through this mental health meltdown. Have you had a meltdown since? How often do you experience meltdowns? How do you think you have been managing things lately? I would like to encourage you to practice self care skills. Do you have a self care plan already in place? Take some time to implement your favorite coping skills and build upon the routine you already have. It is important that you make some time to take care of yourself in order to fully support yourself as you process this difficult situation. Amping up your self care routine can do wonders in helping you to navigate these types of adverse experiences.

In addition, it sounds like you have an element of self awareness in that you knew in that moment that you were having a meltdown and that you needed someone to talk to. This demonstrates great emotional intelligence in that you know what you need and why. All in all, it sounds like the person that you reached out to reacted to your experience in a belittling and invalidating way. This may not sit well with you, which I completely understand. Take some time to practice mindfulness techniques, such as radical acceptance. If you can radically accept that he is the way he is, this may assist you in moving forward.

It is completely up to you if you would like to stop texting him after what had happened. I would advise you to do what you think is best for you. If you decide to reach back out in the future, that is your choice to make. It sounds like this person has really hurt you by treating you this way. You have every right to feel the way you do about this situation. Your feelings are completely valid.

As a registered art therapist, I always recommend making art work as a means to express your feelings and explore your thoughts. The art making process can be incredibly healing. Take some time to gather some art materials and paint, draw or sculpt your feelings. Perhaps you can make a collage about what happened in this situation. Art making can be fuel for healing.

At this time, I would like to recommend that you begin attending individual counseling sessions. Talking with a trained therapist may help you to process this experience as well as gain deeper insight and understanding into your thoughts and feelings.

Thank you again, Kiky, for asking this great question on this invaluable topic. It is wonderful that you are addressing your concerns on the "Ask a Licensed Therapist" forum. I sincerely hope that my response has been helpful for you in some way. I want to wish you all the best on your therapeutic journey. Essentially, this situation could have created an opportunity for you to focus on what matters most- you! Take good care and have a nice day!