Does therapy really help? I live in a country where it's not common and people don't understand it

Hi Dani, 

Anxiety is actually something that many many people struggle with the world over. There are many ways to work on anxiety. We'll talk about non-medication ways to help work on anxiety

Here's something interesting to consider about anxiety; it serves a purpose when its activated in a helpful way. When it gets activated when its not needed, that's when it becomes difficult. You're probably curious what I mean by that. Take for example, the reaction that you get when you're about to step off a curb into traffic. Your body reacts in this situation in a way that is helpful.  Your fight, flight, or freeze response kicks in and keeps you from stepping off the curb and getting hit.

Now, say for example, your anxiety "turns on" when there is no actual danger in the situation. Perhaps the thought of doing something like talking to someone triggers the same response as stepping off the curb into traffic. This is one of the times in which our pre-built response is actually not helpful. Remember how I mentioned that anxiety is something that we are born with and is part of our overall brain functioning? When you think of how our brains are structured, they are driven by survival as this was important when humanity first began. It's still important today, of course, but not to the extent that our lives were in danger in say pre-historic times. In fact, the structure of the brain responsible for the flight, fight, or freeze response is the Amygdala which is also referred to as the "lizard brain" because it is the most ancient structure 

So now the question becomes, how do we manage the unhelpful anxiety responses that we have. The answer is two-fold. We use techniques that challenge our thoughts and also techniques that address the physiological responses that we have when we are activated.

Just as the Amygdala's job is to determine whether there is danger or no danger and to activate when it determines there is danger, the Vagus nerve tells the body how to relax. The way to activate the Vagus nerve is through diaphragmatic or "belly" breathing.

To practice belly breathing place a hand on your stomach. When you take a slow steady breath in you want your belly to rise. When you breathe out (again slow and steady), you want to feel your belly fall. When we take in deep breaths like these our lungs expand and the space displacement actually activates the Vagus nerve. When the nerve is activated, you will physically feel yourself relax a bit. It won't solve the anxiety completely but will give you the ability to use the other stuff which look at thoughts since you'll have a bit of extra "processing space" 

One of the ways we can challenge our thoughts is through the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy also known as CBT. When we interact with our environment there is some type of automatic thought that arises. This is turn generates some type of feeling. The combination of our thoughts and feelings leads us to some type of behavior; doing something or not doing something.  Feelings are 100% valid and are unique to us and our experience. Although people may tell you that your feelings are "wrong" no one can actually tell another person that their feelings are not valid. So the key to this is examining the automatic thought. 

Here's an example. Suppose I'm walking down the street and see a friend of mine. I say hello to my friend but they don't answer. The automatic thought that this caused is "Wow, what a jerk my friend is. I can't believe they ignored me".  The feelings that come up are anger, hurt, and frustration. In turn the behavior I engage in the next time is to ignore my friend and when they say hi to me I ignore them. 
Now let's run through this example with the CBT technique of examining the facts versus our feelings. The situation is the same: I see my friend and say hi and they ignore me. The automatic thought is still the same of "I can't believe what a jerk they are" But here is where things start to change. I say to myself "wait a minute, I actually don't know what's happening with my friend. Maybe they had a hard day at work, or just got off the phone with someone who made them upset. Heck, maybe they have ear buds in and actually didn't even hear me. I don't have any facts about this situation aside from the contact. I have no idea if their reaction is actually aimed at me or not". The feelings I then have are curiosity and concern. The next time I see my friend instead of ignoring them I ask if everything is ok. 

The very first question that you posed was "does therapy work?" Therapy is something that provides a safe space to talk about all the "stuff" that we want to talk about. The therapist does not judge, rather listens with a kind demeanor and offers perspectives to think about that you may not have considered. There are also many different tools that can be learned in therapy to help not only manage anxiety of all kinds but to help with the traumatic experience of being bullied. Sometimes therapy is the place to talk about simple things and other times it's a place for deep digging. 

As a therapist, I actually have a therapist of my own that I talk to. It's helpful to be able to talk with someone outside of family or friends and can see things in a different perspective simply because they are not close to the situation. 

Hope this sheds a bit of light on the things that you find yourself grappling with and the moment. 
Please know that you do have options and we would be happy to help support you on your journey