How can I better understand myself?

I can hear two aspects to what you are experiencing. Firstly, that you get upset easily and secondly, that you are questioning if there is something deeper troubling you. How you are experiencing what is happening is unique to you. It can be helpful to meet your experience with compassion for yourself; accepting you feel how you feel without dwelling on your emotions and overly punishing yourself if you feel you should behave a certain way can help with this. Overtime, this will give you some freedom to make choices as to how you respond to people rather than to feel you must in react immediately if something causes you to feel anger. Particularly with feeling like your mood changes quickly, this can often be a symptom of dwelling. One way to work around this would be to think how we would like to be, and what we would say, to a friend if they were in the same situation as you. It can be useful to explore what is different about how we speak to ourselves and what we may need to improve that self-talk.

 

Try not to find blame or fault in getting upset. Sometimes, we form beliefs that we are the problem, or if I didn’t do x, then…’. The reality is things can change, we learn from our mistakes and if the will is there, meaningful change can occur. You do not want to react so quickly when you are struggling. So, this is an opportunity to grow, as well as regret what has happened previously. If we can see and acknowledge changes within us, it can help the process of moving on, as we take something away from a painful experience.

 

Having high compassion for self reduces negative thoughts and dwelling on what has happened. Part of self-compassion is not ignoring or wishing difficult feelings away- you feel how you feel. The same is true of your worries something deeper may be happening for you. Importantly, meeting ourselves like this, without judgement, sees us as fallible and helps us engage with mindfully caring about ourselves and our actions rather than overthinking them.

 

Being mindful helps improve tolerance and understanding of difficult emotions, like feeling like you don't understand yourself. Apps such as Headspace may help with this as they offer simple mindful activities that can be introduced to your routine. It also reduces dwelling on negative, obsessive thinking. If you notice yourself dwelling on uncomfortable thoughts, working in a mindful way with emotions helps to ease the burden of this.

 

Self-care is also key to mindfulness. Pain and anger can make us forget our own value and worth. Ensure you are sleeping for 7-9 hours a night, eating, and drinking healthily, and engaging in activities that stimulate positive emotions (e.g., reading, music, exercise). No matter how negative your emotions, remember to treat yourself as if you were a friend- with nurture and care.

 

What about how you feel? You sound like you are having an emotionally difficult time. This can be overwhelming at times. It might help to consider this as a wave: some days the wave will hit strongly, others it may be gentler. Acknowledging that emotions are part of the process can help, though some of the emotions, such as sadness and anger, can be difficult to own. But they are still what, and how, you feel. These are separate to our thoughts and our beliefs, which we can question and can work through, just like our emotions. When you feel stuck or in need of support with this, a counsellor can help you to identify thoughts and feelings and explore what you need to help resolve them.

 

It might be harder to talk to close relatives or loved ones right now, so talking with a trained third party, such as a therapist, may provide the non-judgmental space you need to start this process. The person you talk to doesn’t necessarily need to fix the problem or offer help, but it might ease your burden to express what you are feeling. Again, being honest with your emotions will give you and others a sense of the troubles you are facing at the moment.

 

There are also organizations that can help, depending on where you live, and this might be free counselling and practical advice as well as emotional support which may help. Asking for help and seeing what support is out there shows you are wise enough to recognise when your problems need help, rather than being a sign of failure or weakness.

 

Working with emotions means you don't have to make wholesale changes right away. Doing what is manageable and realistic will help your changes be more sustainable. All the while, try to remember to keep your self-compassion high, and your relationship with yourself friendly.

 

This can be hard when we experience anger. Socially, anger is not an acceptable thing to feel. In reality, however, things may make people feel angry, or frustrated. It can help to formulate why you are angry but saying something like: 'I feel.... and I need....'. In this way, we better own our behaviour and emotions, as well as hear what we need to help sooth when an emotion becomes difficult. It also removes blame from others, so they may be better able to hear what you are angry or upset about.

 

Managing your worry about your mood, even in small ways does not always make the process emotionally easy and it does not mean the problems you are experiencing will suddenly disappear.

 

It is important to work on improving any negative emotions you may be feeling as well as resolving your concerns around anger and sadness. It could be that exploring some of the aspects listed above in relation to how you feel about yourself may also help you better cope with when you do feel a more negative emotion too- having high self-compassion, ensuring you exercise and eat well, being mindful, and so on, all can contribute to keeping your emotions at a manageable level.

 

Finally, do not be afraid to continue to speak out about your concerns and get the help you deserve to feel you are in control