I feel so disconnected within myself, how do I change that?

Thanks for reaching out and trying to better understand what it is that you are going through right now.

It sounds to me as though you have gotten lost in the day to day worry about what might happen and what could happen, that you are no longer able to focus on what is actually happening in front of you right now. First, I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Heck, even I have been in that state of mind before. When we do not have enough tools in our tool box to handle the stressors that we experience day to day, it is easy to find ourselves focused on the what ifs. 

I would first recommend adopting some techniques from a practice called Mindfulness. There are a number of exercises that are geared toward helping an individual refocus their mind away from worry and obsessive thoughts and back to the moment at hand. A couple of examples of Mindfulness exercises would look like this:

1.  Where ever you are right now, stop for a moment and look around you. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. But when you do this, take time to explore all of the nuances of that item. If you choose to pick up and examine a mug, for example, actually look at all of the intricacies of that mug. What color is it? Is it discolored anywhere? Are there any chips in the mug? If so, what does that look like? You will want to spend a good two to three minutes totally immersing yourself in everything that is the mug. Once you have done that, move on to the next item and so on and so forth. Before long, during this practice, you will find that you mind is able to rest for a moment while you focus on the items you have chosen for this exercise.
2. There is a quote by the late Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese monk and author who is world renowned for his writings about Mindfulness, that says: “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” The great thing about this quote is it, in itself, is a suggestion of having Mindfulness in our lives every step of the way and realizing the impact we have on the world around us. When you walk, use you senses and are aware of what your body is going through in that moment by doing what is called a body scan. Do you feel the breeze going through your hair? How about the hair on your arms? How does it feel on your face? How do your feet feel in your shoes as you walk? Is there more pressure on one side of your foot than another? Are you walking on the inside, flat, or outside of your foot? There are so many intricacies that we can focus on just in walking, but we have lost that ability to focus inward because of our brain focusing on a million and one other things that are going on in our life.
3. The next time you are eating, take a moment to examine your plate of food. Notice the way it is prepared and set on the plate. Apicius, a Roman from the first century, reported said, “We eat first with our eyes”. So, take a few moments to do just that. Notice the colors of the food. Rarely is food one solid, universal, unvaried color. Notice the subtle changes that are on the plate with each item. Smell the food: does it smell spicy? Sweet? Next, when you move on to chewing the food, notice the taste. Does it taste as you expected it to? Is it salty? Is it bland? If you are able to, notice the texture. Is it crunchy? Chewy? Smooth?

These are all examples of things you can do to practice Mindfulness. The great thing about it is that you do not need to have any additional tools with you to do it. You can incorporate it into your life anywhere at any time. However, like any other skill, it takes time to remember to do it and to get to a point where you are doing it more consistently. Also, while you are doing these exercises, there will be times when those thoughts that are troubling you will find their way in. That is okay and realize that is going to happen. It does not mean that you are a failure at doing this and that you will never be able to. Simply acknowledge the fact that you are having that feeling and set it aside, basically saying to yourself, “I know that is something I need to think about, but right now I am choosing to focus on this instead”. The harder you try to ignore that thought, the stronger the urge will be to focus on it.

I hope you might find these little exercises helpful. I might also suggest that you find and read “The Miracle of Mindfulness” by Thich Nhat Hanh. The book has many other examples which you will find yourself thinking about and trying on your own. There is also a great short story in the book that summaries Mindfulness and will stick with you long after you read it.

Finally, finding yourself a therapist who is experienced in Mindfulness to work with would also be suggested. Not only can they help you expand on the few exercises I have suggested, but they will also be able to be a sounding board for you to talk about the things that you find yourself stressing about and provide you with guidance as you move forward with tacking those issues.

Best of luck to you! I hope that you are able to find guidance and peace with the things that you find troubling you.