What do you do to start feeling things and show emotions, as I’m told I’m like a blank page

Hi Wolf! Thank you so much for reaching out for support on the BetterHelp platform! I am so glad that you have taken some time to ask this essential on the "Ask a Licensed Therapist" forum. It appears that the nature of your question is about showing your feelings and emotions to others.

I can tell that you are ready to begin the journey of connecting to your emotional sense of self. I hope that I can offer you some helpful advice on how to further contemplate your thoughts as well as process your feelings and emotions. I am so glad that you are considering the possibility of meeting with a therapist on BetterHelp in order to seek advice and guidance at this time.

Based on what you wrote about in your initial question, it sounds like you have been wondering what the first steps are in the process of recognizing and managing your emotions. I think that coming up with ways for emotional expression is a great goal for you to start with. At first thought, what are some of the most pressing feelings that you have been having lately?

From my perspective, there are three main steps in the process of emotion identification. The first step is to identify what specific feelings you are having. Feelings identification can take a lot of practice. It is absolutely something that you can learn to do more easily over time. I recommend checking out the feelings wheel for some ideas about what you are feeling specifically.

Here is the link to the feelings wheel:

https://ytp.uoregon.edu/sites/ytp2.uoregon.edu/files/Feelings%20Wheel%20in%20PDF.pdf

The second step in the emotion identification process is realizing why you may be feeling the way you do. An example of this could be, "I feel happy because I am doing my favorite activities with my closest friends." Utilize this outline to formulate your reasons for feeling the way you do: "I feel ________ because __________."

If you are willing to write down your thoughts and feelings, that could be very beneficial for you. Take some time to check out the online journal available as a resource on BetterHelp. If you prefer to utilize hand writing techniques, you can purchase a lined notebook as a therapeutic journal. I recommend that you identify at least one feeling per day and start charting your emotions in a daily mood log. Over time, you may begin to notice some themes coming up with your overall emotions.

The third step in the process of feeling identification is going to be checking for congruency. An example of congruency would be: "I feel frustrated that my friend has not yet returned my phone calls." This is a congruent feeling because it makes sense that some one would begin to feel frustrated with their friend who has not yet called back.

The concept of congruency is important because it can be beneficial to check in with yourself to see if what you are feeling makes sense for you. In some cases, you may notice that your feelings are incongruent. That is okay for the time being. Simply recognize it and move forward. Ultimately, the primary goal of this step to is begin to become as congruent as possible with your emotional self.

Once you have come to a point of feeling more comfortable with emotion identification, I recommend that you begin to practice emotion regulation skills. Being emotionally regulated means that you can still have strong feelings but in the moment you can manage these feelings really well. An example of an emotionally regulated individual is some one who feels angry but speaks in a calm, controlled and cool headed manner. Construct your own version of what it means to be emotionally regulated and come up with a plan for change.

It appears that you have received some feedback from people in your life that you may be a blank slate. How does that feel to hear that from others? Would you consider what you have been through to be traumatic? Essentially, it is up to you to make a decision about whether or not your experiences were traumatic for you. If you decide to pursue an alternative explanation, it is alright to consider a differential diagnosis.

I realize that you stated that you can become overly attached to people and that thought of them leaving you is petrifying. How long have you had this concern? Would you say that you have a fear of abandonment? How would you describe your overall attachment style? If you would be willing to create a bird's nest drawing, you may be able to find some deeper meaning and insight into your own personal attachment style. This idea is something that you can certainly bring to the therapy session.

This is the link to the research by Donna Kaiser and Sarah Deaver (2009) on the topic of the bird's nest drawing:

https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ833506.pdf

In regards to your support system, who might be helpful for you to connect to about this? Who do you consider to be kind and supportive for you? It is important that you build up your supports and focus on making healthy and stable connections with family, friends, etc. Do what you can to reach out to people you trust. It may be helpful to ask other people how they manage worry in order to get some ideas for how to manage things yourself.

At this time, I recommend beginning individual counseling sessions on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis. It is up to you how often you would like to attend therapy sessions. Having a safe space for you to voice your concerns may be very beneficial for you at this time. You can also consider attending a groupinar or joining a group. There are key elements specific to group therapy that could be helpful for you, as well.

Thank you again, Wolf, for your time asking this important question on the "Ask a Licensed Therapist" forum! I hope that my response has been helpful for you in some way! I want to wish you the best of luck on your therapeutic journey. Have a great day!