Can therapy be of help to me?

Yes. Therapy can be of help to you. I am sorry to hear that you are having intimacy issues with your husband due to traumas from past relationships. The word "trauma" is a BIG word that can go very deep and create stress, fear, depression, anxiety, and other feelings and can seem overwhelming, confusing, and embarrassing. Often there is shame and silence. Having said this means that what you are experiencing is normal based on the circumstances that have created your trauma response. The emotional expression of trauma has physiological consequences as well because trauma experiences can keep a person in a hypervigilent or worried state all the time which is associated with our "fight or flight" response which is a normal response to a threatening situation. We are genetically pre-disposed to survive and therefore fight if we have a chance of survival, flee, or run if we do not, or freeze. Those are the responses and what can happen to a person is that the trauma experience gets stuck so to speak in a way that you cannot shut off the central nervous system of the body to relax - in this way the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems of our bodies get disregulated. Learning ways to cope, breathe, and relax are a part of the treatment for trauma.

Working with a trauma-informed therapist who understands trauma and the consequences and impact of trauma is an important part of your healing process. You need to select a therapist whom you can trust and talk to so that you can unpack some of the heaviness of the depressive parts of the trauma experiences and help you learn better ways to lessen some of the high anxiety. People can practice mindfulness-based methods in which we are learning to stay in the present versus letting ourselves jump to worries about the future or depressing about the past. What has already happened to us has happened. It informs us. We learn and grow because of what has happened to us. This does not mean that we always like what has happened to us. It is okay to feel everything that you feel about what has happened. It is also okay to give yourself permission to let some of heaviness go so you can experience more joy and happiness and calm in your present life. If you are in a safe relationship with your husband, your partner can offer support and understanding.

Talking to a therapist can help you share what struggles you are going through and learn better ways to take care of yourself so you can move beyond what has happened to you. This allows you to shift from a person who has been victimized to a person who has survived abuse, trauma, whatever the situation has been and let go of what has been toxic and hurtful. It takes an experienced therapist willing to listen and able to provide tools for you to use since trauma is a very complex situation. Again, trauma is a big word that people use. The important thing is that you are worth living into your best self so gaining an understanding of the trauma experience will be critical to your emotional, psychological, and physical self. Good care and wellness are holistic and includes both your body and your mind, thoughts, and emotional self. Oftentimes trauma experiences can chip away at a sense of self or a strong sense of identity.

It is important in your healing to gain your voice and sense of identity and self back or to discover what that is in you if you have not fully realized your power, beauty, and potential just by being you and living your life. There are different approaches to trauma treatment which can be very effective methods to frame the traumas from your past relationships. Perhaps working with a therapist to look at core issues and fears and ways you get emotionally triggered can help you gain some perspective or insight into your anger, insecurity, or fear for example. When you choose a therapist do not be afraid to ask questions and ask for what you need regarding what you hope to get out of the therapy sessions. Some approaches include you doing work in between sessions perhaps journaling or using creative expression as an outlet for releasing painful emotions as a way to transform the hurtful experiences into something new. This can be cathartic and a release for how we tend to hold onto or carry a heavy weight of emotions around with us if we have no other ways to release these strong feelings. Talk therapy works when a person is open and vulnerable. It can feel like one is taking a leap of faith into something one cannot fully predict the outcome of, yet there is evidence-based research that supports that by connecting with another and sharing one's story we find ways to become resilient beyond what has hurt us or caused us pain. The ability to share your story so you can feel emotionally safer, and calmer will allow you to be able to take the necessary steps forward for you.

You are already strong no matter how you might feel. You already have much to say that is worth being heard. Do not ever be afraid or apologetic to be you. You can change the narrative of your life toward a more satisfying way of living like a seed planted waiting to be allowed to grow and push through the soil and dirt of one's existence reaching toward the sky and sun. Communication is key both with your partner and for you to recognize that shutting down is not getting you what you ultimately want which is often a deeper connection with another. My best to you in your healing journey.