I'm being told I need therapy but I'm having a hard time getting it at all
Asked by Supernova
Answered
10/22/2022
Hello and thank you for asking this question! You mentioned that you have not been feeling happy for some time and that you have been experiencing relationship issues because of negative behavior. Generally, when a person is feeling unfulfilled in the life they are living or have not yet processed through past issues, unhappiness and harmful behavior are the result. This leads to internal and external conflict, creating challenges and obstacles in moving forward. A feeling of being stuck can result in a reliance on unhealthy behaviors to make us feel alive, numb or simply distract us from reflecting upon ourselves.
To turn this downward spiral around, you can begin identifying the principals and values that you want to live by. Living a life that is based on your core values will help you identify how to move forward and become the architect of your life. Core values are the beliefs you hold that drive your behaviors. Basically, how you live your life. Some examples of core values are honesty, reliability, being a hard worker, and commitment. Mostly core values are positive but, at times, people develop negative core values. A couple examples of negative core values are greed and selfishness. Negative core values are generally developed when you have been forced into a difficult situation in which your main focus is on survival. These positive and negative core values are only some examples of core values; there are almost an infinite number of core values.
To identify your own core values, take some time to explore the answers to your "why"questions, your "what" questions, and look for trends in your life. What are my priorities ? What are my passions? Why do I want what I want? Why do I behave in a certain manner? Why is that (person, place, or thing) important to me? What patterns do I see in my life and why do those patterns exist? There are a number of websites you can visit to help you identify your core values. Brene Brown is one of the most influential persons in this area of psychology. Her book Dare to Lead is one of the best books to turn to when trying to identify your top core values and achieving success in creating a life based on those core values.
If you become confused and are unable to identify your own core values, this may be an indicator that you are living your life according to other people's core values. This situation will lead you to live an unfulfilling life and possibly create deep sadness or symptoms of depression. Because when you base your life on another person’s core values you are being inauthentic and therefore having inauthentic relationships with yourself and others. It is important to redirect the lens from focusing on what others may be expecting of you. Focus the lens on yourself and ask yourself the hard questions about how you want to live your life, what it will take to be healthy and create a healthy lifestyle balance. You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life, therefore you might as well like yourself, your own company and enjoy the life you have constructed.
Entering therapy is a very personal decision. It is true that many people enter therapy to appease others in their lives, but ultimately you have to decide if you want to invite another person to help you with self-reflection and development of skills to live a healthy lifestyle. Therapy will help you address issues from your past, detach and create a healthy approach to living in the present if you are willing to be honest, open and willing. But it is absolutely up to you.
In the end, the most important thing is that you are living a healthy, fulfilling life based on your core values. There is no simple answer to feeling better. It takes honesty, openness, patience and commitment to change your behavior and create the life you want to be living. Whether you do it on your own or with a therapist, working toward implementing tiny steps in your daily life, creating your life based on your core values, and continued effort each day will eventually help you arrive and create a healthy lifestyle balance.
(MS, LAC, LCPC)