What would be the best thing to do?

I have what I believe is a toxic relationship with my parents. I'm 19 and they’re still keeping me in the house. They won’t allow me to visit my long distance boyfriend who they have met twice, they talk bad about me and him when all we did was respect their wishes, and they won’t stop or let me talk about what all this is doing to me. There is a lot more but this is the main issue I am facing at the moment.
Asked by Leyley

Hi Leyley,

That sounds like it is a lot going on. There are a couple things that need to be explored here. In the end you are going to have the answer in what you need to do in this situation. You are considered an adult at this point in time, are you in school? Do you have a job? Have you had a sit down conversation with them about how you are feeling about all of these things without it turning into a fight? 

I understand that it is hard to address things with our parents and have these kind of conversations but in this situation it does sound necessary. You are no longer a child and your relationship is shifting over to an adult relationship with them. You guys have to figure out what that looks like. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries with your parents. It actally is important to set and learn your boundaries with them. 

Maybe approaching the conversation in a non confrontational manner and a way where you are also open to what they have to say as well. Explain to them it is important to talk to them about all of this because they are important to you and you do not want to feel like you are in a toxic relationship. When you do have this conversation with them you have to understand that you can not control what they do or say. The only thing you can control is your response and your reaction. Be careful not to go into the conversation with expectations because when we have these expectations or how we think things should go is when we can fall into disappointment and that brings more negative feelings. Let them know this conversation is not to start an argument but to come to solutions together. 

Starting out writing down exactly what you want to say and address would be important to start this overall process. If you write down main points then you are able to focus and accomplish some goals and have a beneficial conversation. This is hard but you are doing the right thing by having a talk with them as an adult.