How can I get past the effect of my dad passing?

My dad passed away towards the end of last year and I think my husband is cheating on me. I can't get over the fact that my dad is gone he was my rock. I moved closer to him.
Asked by Kt

Hi Kt,

I am so sorry to read that your dad passed in November, this I can see from what you write is very raw for you, it has not been very long and I imagine each day feels like such a challenge.

You also suspect that your hasband is cheating on you, which is probably adding to the deep sadness and confusion you may be experiencing?

Your questioning how you may get passed the effect your dads passing is having on you? Many may tell you that time is a healer - but I have found over the years of working with many clients that actually time infact does not heal our pain this remains the same but what does happen is your life 'will' grow bigger around the grief you feel. This has helped many of my clients understand how we may still live a happy and fullfilled life without our dear ones with us, so grieving a loss doesn't get easier or smaller but our lives grow bigger and become fuller around the grief. But of course there is a process we need to do to help us through the loss and pain we feel when we lose someone so dear. 

I don't want it to sound so clinical because it really isn't easy to do.

But I hope by explaining how we grieve loss, will perhaps give you reassurance that what you are feeling and experiencing is what happens and help you to heal your pain.

I Imagine you feel like there is a huge hole in your world which was, until recently, filled with someone you loved, cherished, trusted, admired and as you say, was your rock! You write you moved closer to your dad, I hope you were able to spend precious time together enjoying each others company? I wonder if the grieving you are experiencing is being made much harder for you because of the suspicions you have regarding your husband and I guess maybe you are feeling quite alone in your pain?  

There are 5 stages we need to go through when experiencing grief, there is no order to how we do each stage and it may be that we revisit some to, but let me help you have better understanding of each stage so-as you may acknowledge them as you go through them.

  • Denial- this may show itself as shock, maybe total disbelief, forgetting when you wake that they have passed.
  • Anger- you have irrational thoughts of why your loved one passed, you may experience jealousy or resentment towards others who still have their loved ones.
  • Bargaining- this may be praying to make the situation change, talking in unrealistic ways of how you could change what has happened 'If only' often people are desperate to stop the pain.
  • Depression- Feeling helpless, deep sadness, you may become withdrawn, and avoid situations, gatherings and/or work, you may feel you want to hide away. 
  • Acceptance- This will come and you will find peace and no longer resent the reality that is.

I hope you find your peace Kt. I also hope you find your way through the doubts and suspicions you are having about your husband. Please know we are here to help by offering support, a space to express how you are feeling and a compassionate ear to really hear you.