How to cope with losing my wife and mom

I am very sorry that you are struggling with the loss of your wife and mom.

That is a tremendous loss for you to have gone through and the way you're feeling would be expected after experiencing such life changing events. I am not sure of the circumstances of the loss of your wife and your mom and whether it happened recently or if you are still grieving these losses for quite a while now. Either way, there are specific stages of grief and loss that people go through and there isn't really a timeline on how quickly people go through the stages and sometimes they might get stuck on one particular stage. It sounds like you are in the depression or sadness stage. This stage usually comes after denial and anger. Some people start their stages of grief and loss with depression, especially is they knew the death was going to happen due to a prolonged illness. In these cases, people will actually go through the denial and anger phases while their loved one is still alive. Again, I am not sure of the circumstances of your losses and this might not apply to your situation.

Usually the first year of the loss is the hardest because you experience all of the birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries without your loved one. These days that were once happy and enjoyable are now sad because your loved one isn't there to celebrate with you. This can leave a great void in your life as a result. You will also not have the same amount of enjoyment you once had with the things that made you happy in your life. You may find yourself longing to share your joy with your missing loved one but cannot which can be especially difficult. Being patient with yourself and acknowledging that the way you are feeling will not last forever but also knowing that you might not ever return to the level of happy you were before you lost your loved ones. It is important to get support from friends and other family members to help maximize the joy you feel in your life. If people offer to help or do things with you, take them up on it even if you don't feel like it at the moment. Most times you will end up feeling glad that you said yes to their offer. It is like not wanting to go to the gym but then feeling better after your workout. It is also important to look for new forms of happy that might not necessarily be associated with the memory of your loved one. This can help you to create new experiences that are unique to your life as it is now and not the way it was when your loved ones were here. Attending a grief support group might also be helpful, especially a loss of a spouse support group. These are great ways to connect with others who are experiencing the same feelings you are going through and often you can make new friends and sources of support and joy from these types of groups.

Not sleeping well can make all of the symptoms you are experiencing worse so try to develop a healthy bedtime routine to get better quality sleep. This includes avoiding caffiene late in the day, minimizing your screen time a few hours before bed and refraining from watching depressing programs like the news or murder mysteries. These can stimulate your brain in a negative way and keep you from getting to sleep or being able to stay asleep. Talk to your doctor about getting a sleep aid if this situation doesn't resolve soon. Sleep is so important. Your lack of sleep might be due to not having adequate serotonin levels which can be depleted after prolonged periods of stress. Losing a spouse is actually one of the most stressful things to go through. You may want to talk to your doctor about medication to help restore your serotonin levels. This will also help with not feeling social, not enjoying your work and not feeling happy with your life. 

I can't really comment to your feelings of doubt and conflict because I am not sure what these feelings are about but hopefully you can talk this through with your therapist. I am glad you are taking advantage of Better Help and getting the much needed support as you transition through this very difficult time in your life. Try to keep in mind that these feelings are temporary and it will get better but it will be difficult for a while. Let others help you if they offer and reach out for support if they haven't offered. Many times people are honored to help someone who is struggling and is so glad they were asked for support.

I hope this helps to address your concerns and I hope things get better for you soon.

Take care