How can guilt ruin a relationship?

Guilt is like a poison that can make you sick and cause numerous problems in your relationship. Guilt can stem from doing something wrong, hurting someone, and doing something out of obligation. This can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment. Regardless of the cause of the guilt, it can lead to you doing things that will ruin your relationship. Guilt will cause you to keep secrets, continue to hurt yourself and others, and make you do something you don’t want to do. 

KEEPING SECRETS

Whenever you do something wrong, you are constantly worried about someone finding out. You feel scared, ashamed, and guilty. To avoid your mistake being discovered or feeling negatively vulnerable with your partner, you keep it a secret. To keep a secret, at some point, you have to tell a lie. Lies make things more complicated, and it breaks the trust in a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the act of omission is a lie. Once you tell one lie, you have to tell three or more to cover the original lie. When you lie, it makes your partner doubt everything you say and everything you ever said. Secrets and lies are the top reasons most relationships are ruined. Guilt can turn you into a liar and secret keeper. 

CONSTANTLY HURTING 

Hurting someone you love hurts you too. This pain always leads to guilt and sadness. This guilt is confusing and impedes your ability to focus on what is positive and important. You identify as someone who constantly disappoints or hurts others, and your self-esteem plummets. You may develop a hatred of yourself that can lead to you taking your hurt and anger out on your partner. Even though you allow your guilt to destroy is yourself, it will still negatively affect your relationship. It is hard to love someone else when you don’t love yourself.

DOING THINGS AGAINST YOUR WILL

Doing things out of obligation or guilt usually does not lead to peace and happiness. It will leave you feeling deprived of respect and love. You want to do things for your partner because you genuinely want not to dissuade your guilt feelings. It may feel like you are a martyr, but this behavior leads to anger and resentment. This resentment is directed at your partner, and this can destroy a relationship. In resentment, you feel wronged by the other person and feel their behavior was deliberate. Learning to do what is best for you, say ‘no’ when needed, and manage your emotions and need to please will prevent the guilt from turning into resentment.