Ask a therapist > Other > Are my needs too specific?

Are my needs too specific?

Hello! I'm trying betterhelp because I haven't had a therapist that I've really connected with yet and I'm hoping that will be the next step in my journey towards healing. I've never had a woman of color either and have heard from many black people that it makes a huge difference sharing that base level experience with a therapist. In terms of what I'm looking for with treatment, it's honestly a lot. I'm at a place where I'm sort of grieving my old self and I don't know where or how to move from there. A huge piece of my support net and identity was ripped apart in the past few years as an ugly slow breakup. All while I was dealing with homelessness, unemployment, and all the fun of COVID. In addition to mourning that relationship and the parts of myself I lost, I'm also desperately looking to unpack childhood traumas that have led to me being so anxious, people pleasing with a questionable sense of self worth, having very poor communication skills, not knowing how to set boundaries, somehow being too trusting but having an immensely hard time trusting at the same time, and overthinking EVERYTHING. I literally apologize to rocks when I kick them. I feel too sensitive for this world. On top of all that, I need help with ADHD skills and a bug phobia. I would love to try EMDR and/or do more hypnotherapy for the phobia as well as my deeper wounds. But I know not everyone has those skill sets. This is crazy long but I'm hoping it paints a clear picture of the hot mess I am.
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Asked by Cocoa
Other
Answered
05/17/2022

Hello Cocoa,
I am glad that you decided to seek out a therapist to assist you on your journey to wellness.

It is not wrong to be specific in what you are looking for in a therapist - that is the best way to get what you need to assist you with unpacking any issues or concerns you have from past trauma. Although many counselors are culturally competent, they must take into account the worldview of their clients.  If you have a person of color that you connect with, you are more likely to have common experiences and understanding that cannot be explained to someone that is not a part of the culture.

One must understand that they must be whole before they can be a part of a couple. When one loses a part of their identity it must be grieved like any other loss. By understanding the stages of grief and where they are in the stage of grief one can move forward in their life. The stages are not stagnant, and you can move back and forth through the stages.

It appears that you have a lot to work on and that is great that you have identified issues that have plagued you and want to work on to give your therapist a direction to start. A great start would be with learning new communication skills and new coping skills for trauma would be beneficial to assist you with finding your new normal. I believe it would be important to work on personal boundaries as well to assist you in understanding your wants and needs and communicating them to others. It is important to use your assertive communication skills to help you communicate your needs and wants in a positive non-threatening manner.  Learning new skills to cope with ADHD and any bug phobias can be a very effective way to minimize the symptoms that may plague you.  If the counselor does not specialize in hypnotherapy or EMDR they could at minimum provide you with the above services to start you on your journey to healing.

Good luck on your journey to wellness. 

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