How do I handle emotions better?

Hey Bunny!

Thank you so much for your question!  I think that emotions and figuring out how to deal with them effectively can really be hard and takes a lot of practice, but is so worth it in the end!

I also want to start by pointing out that when those emotions become incredibly overwhelming it is unfortunately normal to feel defensive and in turn, push people away, especially when we feel like we need them most.  So don't feel alone, but do know that there is help! 

I think we first start by looking at being able to figure out what the feelings that we are experiencing actually ARE so we can learn to take back our power over them. 

I think one of the first things that might help is taking a step back and thinking about what is actually happening in the times that you are feeling most stressed like that.  Are there things happening at work, home, financially, etc that are impacting your current mood?  Sometimes we don't consider all that we have going on before we react to people or even the small incidents that are our "tipping point" at times. 

I think using cognitive behavioral therapy could be helpful more times than not in situations like this. What that means is looking at how are thoughts, behaviors, and actions are all interrelated. It sounds like sometimes you are assuming that people are going to respond in a certain way rather than allowing them the opportunity to support you or respond on their own. It's easier said than done, But the process goes a little something like this:

Take a step back and try to figure out what it is that you are thinking in the moment before you respond to the person. Is there any evidence that that thought is true, or are you going off of fear or another emotion-based response? We all want to keep ourselves from being hurt so a lot of times that defensiveness comes out and we don't give people a chance.

Take a step back and allow yourself to hear and process what the other person says before you respond and then give yourself time to process before you jump back into your emotions again. It could be that people are not seeing exactly what you think they are but you're so quick to respond that you aren't really hearing the underlying message. All of this takes a great amount of practice and you won't be perfect right away, but if you're mindful and try, I think you will have great success!

Thank you so much for reaching out and I hope this helps! It also sounds like getting into therapy may be beneficial for helping you to recognize what some of those triggers are that are impacting those underlying emotions. I wish you all the best!