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How to feel alive?

At the age of 15 I moved to another country, a totally different place from my own. A decision that was not my own but that I had to make if I wanted my family to have happiness. I left friends, family, and my early teens. Being in this country I feel like I don't fit in, I feel like I don't feel happiness other than instantaneous, at times but it goes away. Being 18 "the ideal age" I feel empty, as if my heart is not with me. There is nothing that motivates me, that excites me, that makes me feel like living. It's just the emptiness being there.
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Asked by Infinity
Other
Answered
10/24/2022
Hello Infinity, 
 
Thank you for your question. I hear your struggle in being able to find happiness after moving. Without it you have struggled feeling alive. It's understandable given that you went through a major life change. You moved to a new country leaving everyone and everything behind. This is quite difficult to do at any age, but even more so in your teenage years. That is the prime time where you solidify friendships that may last you a lifetime. 
 
You mention that the move was not something you wanted to do, but did it because you wanted your family to be happy. The lack of desire to move most likely affects how comfortable you feel living in a new country and feeling like you fit in. Often times when a person makes a decision to make others happy that will lead to the person feeling unhappy and having lots of negative thoughts and feelings about the choice they had to make. This sets you up to enter the new experience with a negative view. 
 
Once your thoughts and feelings are negative it can be hard to see things differently. The focus becomes on those thoughts and feelings that bring you down and lead to feeling sad, alone, and empty. This constant state can lead to depression. Based on some of the things you describe in your message, it is possible that you are depressed or having symptoms of depression. Depression is beyond feeling sad and it can be hard to manage it if you don’t have good ways of coping. 
It would help to seek support from a professional that can help you determine if you are depressed and can provide treatment for depression. By working with a therapist, you will be able to understand how the move has affected you. You will have time to talk about your thoughts and feelings, so you can process things that you may be holding back or that you are not completely in touch with. You will learn ways of coping and how to help yourself manage depressive symptoms. You will be able to get back to a place where you feel alive and like you can enjoy life. For now, show compassion towards yourself and try to understand how much moving has affected you. Remind yourself that it is normal to feel how you are feeling and be kind to yourself when you feel down, sad, empty and alone. It can help to reach out to others (friends and family) to share how you are feeling and what you are going through. 
 
I share a link below to an article about depression and relocation. Take a look to read more about how moving can cause depression and how you can help yourself. 
 
Link: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/depression/relocation-depression-when-moving-makes-you-sad/
(LMFT)