Communication tips for my relationship

I need help in my relationship communicating and understanding each other.
Asked by OM

Thank you for asking your question. 

Communication and understanding of the other is an integral part of a partnership. 

It is essential that communication styles in a relationship are as healthy in word choice and tone when speaking to the other. All relationships have good and bad days. A healthy communication style can make it easier to handle conflict when it arises.  

When we speak with our partners we are essentially telling them who we are, what we need, and what our boundaries and limitations might be. Having the ability to communicate effectively allows you to connect and reconnect with those in your life. 

Poor communication can escalate situations and teach others that you don't respect them or that they don't respect you. 

No matter how much you love and know who your partner is, neither of you is a mind reader. You may think your partner is telling you one thing, but in actuality, they are asking for something completely different.  Misunderstandings happen. This may cause anger resentment and confusion between you both. 

When we are clear with our partners, our messages can be received in an understanding manner. Sometimes that means we have to set time aside to find a quiet place to sit and have a conversation without distractions or interruptions from other people in our lives.  

When we describe how we are feeling and accept any responsibility for our part in the misunderstandings and how it has impacted each other we not only begin to honestly own our own feelings, we can fully try to understand the other person's needs, feelings, and wants. This is the beginning of developing empathy. 

It is equally important to express positive feelings and show the other appreciation and admiration for the other. Let them know how important they are to you. 

Communication is more than the words we speak. It is also our body language and the energy we emit in the room when we are together. Are you showing warmth, care, and concern? Or is there anger and resentment?  Is this a moment of forgiveness or a moment to escalate into an argument? 

Having an open non judgemental relaxed conversation vs fidgeting and putting up physical barriers is equally important. No one can feel safe discussing an issue if they see the other person is not showing an interest nor asking for feedback and clarity. 

Communication patterns can be taught and learned.  It is good that you are beginning to seek out outside help to give you clarity and skills. 

(Doctorate, Social, Work, LCPC)