How attachment styles affect parenting?

What is attachment?

Attachment deals with the relationship between people.  It is formed at a very early age and can change over the course of one’s life, but the critical period for attachment is between 0 to 3 years of age.  It is said that attachment starts forming in utero, so during pregnancy, the fetus starts to be able to recognize sounds and smells.  When the baby is born, they have no way to communicate needs except for the crying.  The baby will cry when it is hungry, needs a diaper change, or has any other need.  It is up to the caregiver/parents to meet this need.  If the baby cries because it is wet, and the need is responded to by getting a diaper change, the baby is no longer in distress and is content.  If the baby cries and no one responds to their needs, then the baby continues to be in a state of distress. 

What are the attachment styles?

Based on the examples above, these are how we begin to form our attachment style.  So, in the first example, the baby's needs were met, and they are met consistently, then the likely outcome will be secure attachment.  This is the healthy kind of attachment style and the most prevalent attachment style for people to have.  If the need is met, but not consistently, the child could form the other three attachment styles depending on what that basis looks like.  Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized attachment styles will come into play.  Anxious attachment is what it sounds like, the child/adult desire is to attach, but they are anxious in the relationship.  They can be plagued with worry that they will be left behind or someone will leave them.  The avoidant attachment style is where there is a desire for connection. Still, due to a person not feeling safe in a relationship or fiercely independent because they learned at a young age, they cannot trust others and avoid or put up roadblocks to prevent them from being close to others.  Disorganized is the combination of the two styles of anxious and avoidant and is the least common of all styles.

How attachment style affects parenting?

Knowing how the styles affect relationships and can start to connect the dots of how it can affect parenting.  Those who have secure attachment will more than likely be able to handle the stress and demands a child brings with them and meet their needs.  Those who have anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment may be challenged with the stressors of the child's needs and may fall victim to doing the same to their child as was done to them.  This is not always the case, of course. The more awareness you have of your attachment style and your partner's attachment style, you can be very helpful in course-correcting what was done in early childhood and those formative years.  The cycle can be unbroken, and the needs of the next generation can be met.