How can I be more responsive instead of reactive?

Thank you for your questions! I will start with the first. Change can be hard and returning home can bring up an array of emotions.

Some tips to keep in mind are:

·      Be compassionate with yourself.

·      Give yourself time to adjust.

·      Give yourself a goal.

·      Don't live at home. (Get out of the house when you can)

·      Don't talk about your travels all the time.

·      Accept that you're not the only person who's different.

·      It gets easier.

Now for your second question. The answer involves coming to terms with your fear of intimacy and your sexuality. The fear of intimacy, also sometimes referred to as intimacy avoidance or avoidance anxiety, is characterized as the fear of sharing a close emotional or physical relationship. People who experience this fear don't usually wish to avoid intimacy, and may even long for closeness, but frequently push others away or even sabotage relationships, nonetheless.

Fears of abandonment and engulfment and, ultimately, a fear of loss are at the heart of the fear of intimacy for many people, and these fears can coexist. Although the fears are different from one another, both cause behaviors that alternately pull the partner in and then push them away again.

These fears are generally rooted in past childhood experiences and triggered by the here-and-now of adult relationships, leading to confusion if a person focuses on examining the relationship solely based on present-day circumstances.

Fear of intimacy can also be linked to anxiety disorders.

Professional guidance is often required to navigate a fear of intimacy, especially if the fear is rooted in complicated past events. Choose your therapist carefully, as therapeutic rapport, mutual respect, and trust are essential to the work of healing. You may find that you need to try several therapists before you find a match.

Your therapist can help you come to terms with any past or present events that are clouding the situation and help you design a series of small steps to gradually work through your fear.

Many people who have a fear of intimacy also experience problems with depression, substance use, and anxiety disorders that also need to be addressed. A therapist can assist with these individual concerns as well.

To successfully battle the fear of intimacy, you must first be comfortable with yourself. If you truly know and accept your own value and worth as a person, then you know that rejection is not as crushing as it may seem.

If you had a neglectful, abusive, or engulfing parent, recognizing that your relationship with your parent is not the only model for intimate relationships may help you realize what might be possible in terms of intimacy.

Overcoming a fear of intimacy doesn't happen overnight. Even when you feel like you have gained ground, you will inevitably have setbacks. Grant yourself forgiveness when this happens and speak kindly to your inner self.

Try not to view your fear as a character flaw. Instead, try to look at it as simply something that likely stems from your distant past that you can work through to have a better future.

I hope these tips help you in your future!

Best wishes,

Ashley