How can you reconnect with your spouse after being in a dark place for so long?

My husband and I have been together for 10+ years, recently married and just had a baby.
We're having trouble rekindling the flame and falling back in love.
Asked by MoMo

Throughout relationships there are times where we may feel more disconnected and distant due to time, responsibilities, and varying other aspects of life. However, this can just be for a time depending on what actions you take to reconnect to your significant other. Below are a few suggestions to assist with the reconnection.

One way to reconnect is to improve communication. This can be done by setting specific time to engage with our significant other. I typically have clients set aside 20-30 minutes a day where they are together to talk about anything and everything except problems and kids. This does two things. First it allows communication to not always feel as a correction or to address negative things. Second it allows the communication to be about each other to give further insight into the other person. Typically, during these conversations, you talk about your day, what made you laugh, something that you connected with, or about anything. Additionally, we can reconnect with the person not just try to fix things.

Another way to reconnect is to set aside time to date. Making sure that once a week you take the time to spend with each other can assist with the reconnection as well as the flame. Date night does not need to be expensive. It can be simple things that you both like to do that allows to connection through fun and talking. One date idea is to take the Five Love Languages Quiz then explore together different activities or ways to meet the love language together (example gifts- go to the dollar store and spend $5 on things that remind you of the other person or make each other a gift).

Additionally, doing a gratitude journal with each other where you identify things in each other that you are grateful for in each other. This can be both deep things as well as simple things. By doing this the connection and respect can be found. It also allows you to remember and find the reasons you are still together.

If you feel these will not assist you can additionally do couple's therapy. Sometimes couple's therapy can more specifically assist you and your husband in reconnecting.