How do I cope with parents that are hard to please?

Hi Anon

Thank you for taking the time to write this question as it is very clear to see that you are searching for answers, which no doubt are within you but you just need some help locating them.

The issues that you have raised that you're having with your parents is quite a complex situation, though it may seem quite straightforward as to what is happening. It is clear to see there is a definite 'power struggle' here, you wanting to live your life, and them wanting you to live the life how they want you to live it, with them being very much included. You on the other hand are wanting to make your own way in life and find your own happiness the way that you want to do it, sometimes with them on board but sometimes just by you finding who you are outside of your family and within your relationship. But it seems as though your parents are reluctant to allow you to do it your way, and this is why they may be unconsciously stunting your growth in its developing stages. It could be that as you find your way in life, they want to be included, which is fine up to a point.

It sounds like there's a possibility that your parents are suffering a type of anxiety where they are finding it hard to let go of their 'child', and it would be interesting to put the question to them and ask why is it so hard to let me go and live my life how I want, what is it that you're afraid of. Sometimes it is that the parents have attachment issues, the attachment to the child is so strong that they find it difficult to detach when the child is old enough to make their own decisions.

If you did decide to go forward with BetterHelp and go on the journey of your 'story' through therapy it would also be good for you to explore how you have unconsciously or consciously played a part in this scenario inspired by your parents and find out how this has all come about. As maybe you could be playing a 'part' in being reluctant to put down firm boundaries in fear of hurting their feelings, but this can be done in the most sensitive way once frustration and anger are kept at bay. I think from reading what you've written, therapy would be good for you as you will find out more about yourself and what you want and what role you want and/or expect your parents to play. Your find out more about yourself and what you want beyond what your parents want from you and for you.

I hope the above answer gives you a bit more insight in the work that needs to be done. The fact that it can be done is the good news, the less so good news is therapy takes time and work to reach the place where you want to be within yourself. Happiness and internal peace can be achieved if you set your mind to be determined to reach for them and establish them in your life.