How do I know whether a feeling is from my “gut” or just an anxious thought?

Hi Christy! Thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp with your question regarding deciphering between a "gut feeling"/intuition and an irrational anxious thought. First of all, I am so very sorry to hear about you feeling betrayed by your husband. Trust is such an important part of a healthy marriage, and things can become quite complicated when that trust is broken. From reading your inquiry, it seems as if you are wanting to repair your marriage and the broken trust. I want to give you hope when I say that can absolutely happen! It will take both of you being intentional and proactive; however, I have seen it be done numerous times.

As it relates to you, I believe that it starts with forgiveness. Being able to forgive and let go of this hurt is critical although it can be a difficult task. Forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment. 

I am going to give you a few tips on how to move forward, and I will end by offering guidance for the two of you as a couple.

1. Please do not blame yourself. When someone betrays you, it's easy for your self-esteem to take a hit. While replaying things in your mind, you may feel like you are to blame. Remember that betrayal is always a choice. Nothing gives a person a "free pass" to do whatever they want.

2. Know that it is okay to grieve the loss of trust with your husband. Prepare yourself to go through stages such as denial, anger, depression, etc. while on your healing journey. Perhaps you have already experienced some of these stages. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way so that you can deal with this in a healthy way. There is no timeline.

3. Open up to someone that you trust. I highly recommend seeing a therapist if you are able. If you are unable to seek professional help, seeking emotional support from a close friend or relative can be helpful in the recovery process.

4. Engage in self-care activities. You have been through a lot, and it's time to make yourself a priority. I highly recommend journaling or meditating. Creating moments of stillness for yourself to help process your thoughts in a healthy way can be so helpful.

Advice for both of you:

Now that you have had some time to process the incident, it is time to devise a game plan for recovering from betrayal. Seeking out a marriage counselor is one of the best tools to heal. Healing is not something that happens overnight. You need to start with small steps. Even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment, this pain will eventually fade and your marriage can be restored if that is what you choose. If both you and your partner are willing to put in the work, it's possible to rebuild trust in your relationship.