How do you cope with feelings of loneliness after a breakup?

Hello, 

This sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I can completely understand how hard this is. Whenever there is a break-up, it can raise a lot of issues for the person that feels 'left' and feelings of loss, rejection, sadness, and abandonment are all quite normal and healthy reactions to this stressful situation.

Let's focus on the partner for a moment.  Of course I don't know their specific mental health issue, so I can only speak to a common dynamic that happens with mental health issues in general. Very often, when someone is struggling with mental health concerns, they feel awful inside, whether it's anxiety, depression, anger, or whatever their struggle is, they feel terrible. When human beings feel these negative feelings, what often happens is they make those around them feel exactly the same (not on purpose...not out of malice.....this is usually subconscious)    The reason we think people do this is because it's lonely to be struggling with mental health issues so when we make others around us feel the same way, it combats loneliness.   As the old saying goes, misery loves company.

It sounds like you're internalizing their mental health issues and absorbing it in a way that's not working for you.  It sounds like you think it's "you" when in reality, mental health issues are usually a culmination of multiple factors, environment, genetics, and many other variables.  It's never just one 'thing' or one 'person"

Based on your writing, it appears to me that their mental health issues are a key factor in them pushing you away, and most likely is not an indication of anything that is 'wrong' with you. Mental health issues are very hard to manage and when someone is struggling with them, it effects everyone around them...friends, significant others, co-workers, and other people in their community. I think the key here is to take what we therapists call a 'balcony perspective."  So, try to imagine yourself sitting in a balcony observing the situation from afar...this should help give perspective and depersonalize it for you.  

So go easy on yourself and give yourself time to heal.  Keep yourself busy with work, friends, and wellness activities (reading, walking, eating healthy).  Take that balcony perspective.  In addition, try the following coping skills:

Take an 'awe' walk (go outside in nature, and focus on your surroundings)

Deep breathing / guided imagery (several good resources online to help with this)

Good luck to you and thank you for expressing your concerns.