How to get over resentment?

Sounds like you are having a hard time. It is a hard question to ask how to not have anger and resentment when certain people who you are intimately connected to are not living up to the standards that you would hold for them. In other words it sounds like your brother and your husband are not being self sufficient adults. This also means that they are depending upon you to take care of them. This makes it more complex by the fact that you have a new baby. Your question is how to not have anger and resentment towards people who are essentially not living up to your standards of them. It would be nice not to have negative emotions such as resentment and anger. It would be nice to not have to experience these feelings, but the fact that you have these feelings is actually healthy and normal. To block out emotions of any kind can be risky business. We have emotions to keep us safe and to make sure that we are getting accurate information from our environment. Emotions are like the gauges on our car. To say that you do not want to feel anger is sort of like saying it is the fuel gauge's fault that you ran out of gas. Is it the speedometer's fault that you were speeding?

The quick answer is of course not. It is not your fault that your brother and your husband are not living up to reasonable standards. It is not your fault that they are taking money from you and not carrying their weight. Ultimately this is where the emotions of anger and resentment are coming from. This is your fuel gauge telling you that your fuel is low. This resentment and anger is the speedometer giving you the information that you are driving too fast. The anger and resentment is telling you that something is wrong.

Now that you see that something is wrong in that your brain is reacting with anger and resentment, you see that negative emotions often are sending us a message. The message is that you are essentially being mistreated by these people in your life. Which raises the question are you willing to make tough decisions?

A statistic that I have heard before is that 70% of people who come to therapy are just looking for actual validation and not interested in change. I just told you that it is okay to feel anger and frustration at how your brother and husband are treating you. However the million dollar question is now do you want to take action?

Mental health can be greatly improved when we stand up for ourselves. Standing up for ourselves is not easy, but when you stand up for yourself which involves putting up boundaries you can greatly improve your self esteem. This is where it gets tricky. This is where talking to a therapist would probably be the next step.

A therapist can help you to explore how to set boundaries with these people that are leading to anger and resentment. Sounds like the is the logical next step to the fact that your emotions are telling you that how they are treating you is wrong. I would finish by stating that the person that needs your undivided attention and care taking is your new born baby. That is the one that should be stressing you out. Hopefully not stressing you out too much, but your baby is the helpless one you should be taking care of. Your brother and husband should be finding ways to help you with your baby, not in fact asking more of you.