Ask a therapist > Relationships > I am questioning my marriage.

I am questioning my marriage.

My husband is very kind and is nice to me and my family. But we have no intimate relations. It is very troubling to me, because I would like to have a relationship with him like that. And he seems very uninterested. I have tried to talk to him about that. And he assures me that he cares for me and thinks I am attractive. But still does not make an effort to have a sexual relationship with me. I have been thinking about where that leaves our relationship and feel guilty that I would contemplate divorce over lack of sex. It makes me think of other stresses in our relationship, and he does not want to address anything. Making me feel like I am creating issues in a relationship where there are none. I really feel the lack of closeness and can’t understand why he does not
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Asked by Geri
Relationships
Intimacy
Marriage
Love
Answered
11/18/2022

Intimacy can mean very different things to many people. It may help for you two to have a sit-down and discuss some of the following things. I hear you say that he is very kind, nice, and cares about you and your family. Possibly asking your husband for you two to have a date night. That can be done at the home (something nice and quiet) or a day/night out on the town. During this time get to know one another again and find out who you two are today as husband and wife and as caretakers to your family. This time together will begin to bring you and your husband closer on a more intimate level with hopes of leading to sex eventually. However, you both would benefit from being on the same page with what the expectations are. Also, be able to explain to him that not talking is not the most effective means of communication for you. 

  1. What does intimacy mean to both of you?
  2. How can you all work towards getting what you both need in the relationship?
  3. What are other areas of strength in your marriage?

Contemplating divorce-So there are many reasons marriages end and having a healthy sex life is one of them. You should be able to go to your husband and communicate with him the need for this particular area to be addressed in your life in a relationship. It’s not a good feeling to feel like you are the one who is causing issues in your relationship. From what I have read so far, it sounds as if you and your husband may not communicate as effectively as you both desire. For things to change, effective communication is going to have to be the key and foundation of making things better. If you both have time, pick a day that you can have a nice discussion with your husband. You both want to be able to have input on what that discussion will entail and what the outcome.  Once you both establish effective expectations and boundaries your relationship will begin to flourish.