I can’t see my future. It makes me scared. And I just broke up with ex. It makes it much harder.

Hello Jina,

Thank you for providing your question to the BetterHelp platform! First, I hope this response finds you well, settling in to New York and doing your best to be as kind to yourself as possible, especially as you adjust to all the changes you have recently made in your life. I know relocation is not easy and may be even harder for you, as you  have had unexpected setbacks, such as your breakup with your now ex-boyfriend, to contend with in between. Second, I want to give you confidence and assure you that, despite the language barrier, you did a wonderful job articulating yourself here, describing the situation at hand and the emotional consequences you are experiencing very well. I understood perfectly. 

I will address your questions as they were written. My thoughts are as follows:

1. If you are wondering how you can arrange living in the US, specifically in NY with limited resources, it is first important that you examine the resources you have at present time. Do you have a driver license, birth certificate, a working visa, etc. In order to get a job, get benefits, help from the department of social services, or other entities that require citizenship or active visa status, you must hold these documents. If you have limited resources, NYS has a plethora of options, a simple google search or visit to your local department of social services can give you more options related to those who require assistance when they have a status as an immigrant. If you want to maintain here, you have got to get yourself aligned with resources and supports first and foremost before the weather really turns and the holidays begin. Things get complicated and take much longer during these times.

2. Depression in the context of a breakup is not uncommon. You have just lost a long-term relationship where you saw your life going one way and it went another. It can feel like grieving the loss of a dear loved one. These things take time and intention to heal. You can spend time going over whether it was your fault or their fault, whether you were right and they were wrong or vice versa, or you can decide to live your life with the current truths present and accounted for - they are that the relationship has ended and you must move forward, building new patterns where you love yourself and treat yourself the way you had hoped your partner would. You need to do your best to take care of yourself physically - take walk during safe times and get fresh air, eat well, pattern your behaviors in new ways that are not related to the old relationship so you can show your body and your mind that you are moving forward with confidence in spite of the heartache you are enduring. You can do it!

3. Self-love requires self-trust, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-reliance. Engage in behaviors that create the narrative that you will always show up for yourself, that you will protect yourself. Talk to yourself kindly as you navigate your new environment, be open to doing things that make you feel happy all on your own and savoring those moments. This is how we build self-love by saying we love ourself and then truly acting like it. You want self-love, give it! Everyday, every minute.

I hope this is helpful to you. Please return to the BetterHelp platform should you have more questions. We love them and love to help. I am wishing you all the best of luck and light during these hard times. Rooting for you always!