I need a couples therapist to try with my partner

Hello, I am glad that you reached out.

I am sorry to hear that you and your partner have concerns with communication and that you feel that you are at a point that it has completely broken down. Couples who don't communicate can fall into an unfortunate pattern of simply existing with one another and never really knowing each other very well. A relationship can't get meaningfully deep if communication isn't open and frequent. Another reason why communication is important is that misunderstandings often occur between people. Each partner may perceive situations differently, which can create resentment and other hurt feelings. Without communication, couples may become upset with one another without even knowing why or how it started. Positive communication can lead to clear expectations and greater empathy for one another's feelings.

ReGain is an online therapy platform that specializes in marriage and relationship counseling. The online relationship counseling platform is accessible whenever or wherever via desktop, tablet, or mobile device. ReGain is specifically geared towards couples therapy and couples counseling. On the ReGain platform, couples share a joint account sharing access to communications with their dedicated therapist and partner, where all written communication is visible to all parties. It is a teletherapy platform so it is very convenient to access. I encourage you to seek couples therapy so that you can work on and improve your communication concerns.

In the meantime here are some communication tips that you can practice and start using:  

1. Give your partner your full attention. Put away distracting technology, mute or turn off the television, and be intentional with paying attention to your partner. This will show them that you care about their information. Nodding and maintaining eye-contact are both excellent ways of showing your partner you are listening.
2. Don’t interrupt your partner. Being interrupted is the quickest way to escalate an argument. When communicating with your partner, it’s important that both parties feel they have a chance to speak and to be heard. It may feel tempting to voice in your own opinion while your partner is still talking, especially if you feel they have a fact wrong, but it is important to wait. Giving your partner your attention while staying focused and connected shows your partner respect.
3. Create a neutral space. Communicating isn’t always easy. Many couples find it beneficial to tackle “tough” martial topics in a neutral space, such as the dining room table or backyard porch.
4. Speak face to face. One of the best communication skills in relationships you can use is always speaking about important topics face to face. This way you can both give one another your full attention and you can read one another’s non-verbal cues. When things are said in person, there is little room for things getting “lost in translation” through tech.
5. Use “I” statements when problems arise. One problem couples run into when they are arguing is attacking each other. By using “I” statements, you take the pressure off your partner. Instead of saying “you did this and it made me upset”, try communicating “I feel that when this occurred, my feelings were hurt.” By phrasing it this way you made the problem your own, instead of attacking your partner. This simple, yet effective technique prevents either of you from going into attack-mode or becoming needlessly defensive with one another.
6. Respect one another. Never lose sight of the fact that you two are on the same team and there is no reason to degrade each other or fight because there will always be another issue down the road. Couples who learn to solve problems together are the most successful. Every problem will not be solvable because you and your partner are individuals who will have different opinions from time to time. Realize the relationship is bigger than any problem.
7. Seek First to Understand vs. Being Understood: When in conflict, our natural instinct as human beings is often to focus on our desire to be understood. Of course, healthy relationships do involve understanding one another, but rather than emphasizing your own desire to be heard, try changing your focus to putting attention on understanding the other. This can really shift the relational dynamic and start the path for more open and healthy communication.
8. Reflect back to your partner what you think your partner is saying—check in with your partner to make sure you are hearing the overall message, not just the words. Check back in with your partner, “What I hear you saying is…” or “If I understand you correctly, then I think you feel…” This lets your partner know that you really care about the message being conveyed and that you are invested in making sure you heard it accurately. 
9. Learn to compromise. The art of negotiation is the most important key to effective communication between couples in any relationship. You’re not competing, after all. You’re a team, and for a team to move forward, both members need to compromise sometimes. Of course, there are some things you need that you really can’t budge on, and that’s okay. But there are other things that you could let go, or learn to compromise on. If you are confused how to fix communication in a relationship, you must always try to put the good of your relationship above being right.
10. Focus on the current. If you and your partner aren’t seeing eye to eye, it’s important that you focus on the current problem and avoid bringing up the past. So many couples use disagreements as an excuse to bring up past hurts and open old wounds. This doesn’t achieve anything and it leaves you both feeling hurt and frustrated. Leave the past in the past and keep your focus on what is happening right now.

I wish you the best as you seek professional support in order to improve your communication and relationship with your partner!