if i feel my partner is being pretty toxic should i stay or go?

This is a very difficult question. First, I think it's important for you to define what is "toxic" in a relationship. The behaviors that you have described are definitely cause for concern, and need to be discussed with a therapist. More importantly, how do his behaviors make you feel? In a relationship we all need to feel seen, heard, validated, and understood. These attributes help us feel connected to the other person. If we do not feel seen, heard, validated and understood, then it may be time to reassess the relationship.

Before ending the relationship, I would encourage both of you to seek out couples counseling. By working with a couples counselor, you both can learn new ways to communicate, listen, and understand each other. The section of BetterHelp, called ReGain, is exclusively for couples counseling. By working with a couples counselor, the counselor can assess which problems are emerging from the relationship, and which issues may be individual issues. If the counselor feels that some of the issues are individual issues, the therapist may refer one or both of you for individual counseling. Individual issues are often seen in previous relationships, family dynamics, or professional issues. These issues are often present long before the two of you met, and may have gone unaddressed for many years. The couples counselor can make that assessment, and refer you to the proper resources.

Being in a long distance relationship can certainly be a challenge for any couple. By working together, it is possible to heal the relationship, so that the two of you can move forward and have a healthy journey together. While the long distance apart may be challenge, it is something that may actually help you heal. The time apart will give you both the opportunity to reflect on your issues and the issues of the relationship, before making any life changing decisions.

Out of respect for each other and the relationship, I would encourage you both to work together and to enter couples counseling. I believe that may be the healthiest first step in resolving these issues. If either of you are resistant to couples counseling, that may be an indicator that the relationship needs to end. I firmly believe that the issues in this relationship can be addressed and healed, but only if the two of you work together.