What advice can you give to someone who is struggling with self esteem issues and relationships

Hi Dame!  My name is Kate and I am a licensed professional counselor.  Thanks for taking the time to post your question on BetterHelp.  You said you have recently entered a romantic relationship.  However, you are constantly worrying that you are not good enough and that your partner will find someone better.  Even though you receive reassurance that this will not happen and have no reason not to trust your partner, this feeling will not go away.  

Dame, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.  I can tell you care about your partner and your relationship by being here and trying to improve the situation.  You said that your partner has never given you a reason not to trust him/her/them.  I'm curious if someone in a previous relationship was unfaithful to you.  Or, if that is not the case, was your partner unfaithful to a previous partner?  Sometimes things that happen in the past are fears that we carry with us in the future.  Because something has happened to us in a previous relationship, we fear that it will happen again.  It's our brain saying, "Watch out!  Protect yourself!  This hurt before and we don't want to go through it again."  

If your partner was unfaithful to a previous partner, you may worry that he/she/they will repeat this behavior with you.  This is a natural fear.  Sometimes behaviors can repeat themselves.  But, just because someone makes a mistake once doesn't mean that they have to make the mistake again.

You also mentioned a feeling of not being good again and worthlessness.  Is this something you have always felt or that has happened since being in the relationship?  If it is something that you have only felt since being in the relationship, what has made you feel this way?  If it is something you have felt for a long time, when do you remember it starting? I realize I am asking questions that you can only reply to in your head.  But, I think that the way you're feeling needs to be a two way conversation.  I'd like to see you explore this conversation more with a therapist.  I'd be happy to begin helping you through this, or, there are many other therapists on BetterHelp who could guide you through this as well.   I think you can come out feeling more reassured, confident and feeling worthy. 

Thanks for asking your question Dame.  Best wishes.