What are things to do to get over someone?

Hey there, and thank you for reaching out with your question. Break ups are hard and then also being laid off has got to add an extra layer to the stress and sadness you may have already been feeling. In your subject question you asked "how do I get over someone" and as much as I wish there was a quick and universal answer to that, there is not. That being said, in your explanation you report feeling sad (with some days being worse than others) and ask for some ways of coping with that. Coping skills are something I can definitely offer in this forum. 

Sometimes after a relationship ends (and this definitely depends of the details of the break up) we can have negative thoughts and assumptions. It's perfectly valid to question the value of the relationships, the time invested and potentially become stuck in a negative place with your own self worth. Combatting those negative thoughts can be a challenge but is something that is do able. A few things to challenge them: 

- when you notice a negative thought, ask yourself "what purpose does this thought serve?" Is it making you feel worse, are you feeling guilty, are you angry? are you angry with them or maybe yourself? Ask yourself those kinds of questions and more times than not you will find that the purpose of that thought doesn't hold a lot of value. Which may make it easier to let go of. In the case that you find it to be valid and more difficult to let go of, try reframing it. 

Ex: (negative thought) I just wasted 4 years in this relationship and am single again. 

This thought may be fueled by anger about the break up, and there is no solution as you don't have a Time Machine to change that. It is a valid concern though and may be harder to let go. So instead reframe it. 

(Reframing) I am so angry that this relationship ended, but those 4 years were a lot of fun and just because the relationship has ended does not mean that those 4 years were not full of love. 

In the reframe you can validate your feeling of anger, while in this example also recognizing that the time was not wasted because in the relationship the felt love was real. It's common to discount past love because we are mad or sad or feel betrayed, but we continue to evolve and sometimes that evolution does not work with the person we loved. 

Self care is another important coping skill. When going through a break up it is easy to get in our feelings, dwell on missed moments and sadness about its end, and self care can take a hit. Instead of focusing on the relationship, redirecting that energy internally and taking care of yourself will be more beneficial. It is okay to have your feelings and allow yourself space to feel them, but you have to be careful that doesn't become consuming. 

Finally, kind of going off the feelings train--- talk to someone. It may be hard to talk to family or friends about it. It can feel like a burden if we are struggling to process the break up and continuously talk to our loved ones about it. It can also be a difficult topic to talk to them about it because of the fear of judgements. Therefore, I recommend talking to a therapist if you find you are not allowing yourself the space to process it. We all experience break ups--- and in a way there is some grief involved. The person may not be dead, but has been removed from your life (in a lot of cases) so grieving that loss is important. 

There is a lot more to be said regarding relationships, as we are social creatures. So if you find yourself struggling, I recommend matching with a therapist :-) 

Best wishes in your journey to wellness.