What do I do, I feel emotional exhaustion!
How it reads, you're looking at taking care of yourself. Allowing him to take up less space in your mind. Sometimes it is remembering that you come first and everyone else second. The idea would be doing things, regardless of things he says... that you love to do. We have to do one challenge at a time and focus on what we know is the truth. Journaling can help sort out what is being said that is gaslighting and what is trust. The idea is to look at what you want too from this relationship and find your identity in who you are again.
Coping skills to try- meditation, yoga, journaling, walks, mindful driving, discussing with a friend, finding quiet time doing something you enjoy- crafts, painting, reading, etc. I love Brene Brown she discusses shame, guilt, relationships, etc. She has a Netflix special I would recommend for sure.
Consider thinking back to a time when you felt like yourself... when you felt healthy... when you felt energy? If never, consider this. What would you want if you could pick anything to be or do? Activities, hobbies, friends, work, etc. What is your ideal if you woke up one day and would want in your life? Not financially, just surrounding you. It might be a hard question, but it is looking outside of your relationship to find what fills you. Because relationships need to have a Venn diagram effect. Where you have your space... and he has his own life too. Then meeting in the middle.
If couples counseling is not on the table.. I would be mindful of your communication. fight, flight, fawn, freeze. See which one you are. See if you need to work through that for yourself. It is okay too, walk away, it is okay to not speak back toward him, it is okay to be like "no that is incorrect," and develop standing your ground.
I know you are struggling and I hope this is helpful to some point. You are worth whatever it is you are wanting in this world... I would hate for someone to take that away from you, with their words and actions.