What to do when marriage feels like roommates

Hi, thank you for reaching out to us at BetterHelp. My name is Stacey Shine, and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I read over your question and am hopeful that I can help with what seems to be happening in your marriage.

You stated in your question that you wanted to know what to do if marriage feels like roommates. I think this can be a struggle for married couples and requires some work but can definitely be fixed.  First, it is important to have your expectations for your marriage on the table. Both people writing out what they are expecting from the marriage and their individual spouse can be helpful to know more about what your partner is thinking. This allows no room for confusion or misinterpretation. Once you have done this, it is important to bring up how you feel and talk through that with your spouse. It may seem obvious to you that you are feeling like roommates. However, it may not be so obvious for them. If you state how you are feeling, you can also work together to figure out a resolution. This allows open communication to begin, and you can plan for how to fix this from happening in the future. I think it is important to talk about expectations and also include intimacy in those conversations. Intimacy is sometimes overlooked and not talked about. If you feel like a roommate and do not feel an intimate or sexual connection, this is something to discuss and see how you would like to combat that. It can be a difficult topic to discuss openly but one that you will be grateful for further into your marriage. Keeping that dialogue open about what you are feeling is extremely important to a healthy marriage.

I hope this was helpful for you as you navigate marriage. It is hard work and takes time and patience. Reach out to us at BetterHelp if you think marriage or individual counseling is something you want to consider in the future to help speed up that process.