Why have I have taken out my anger on my boyfriend? I find a reason to get mad and can’t let it go

Thank you for reaching out. It sounds as though you're feeling really bad about becoming angry and feeling that you've taken this out on your boyfriend. You mentioned that you see your boyfriend as the perfect man, I imagine it can be difficult to accept your mistakes when you're with someone you see as perfect. It can sometimes be hard for us to move past them as we can often feel we will never be able to make it right. I wonder how you see yourself in comparison to your boyfriend?

I also wonder whether getting angry and not being able to let things go helps you to feel in control of something. Are there other areas in your life that feel as if they are out of your control perhaps? On the other hand, there may be an element of self-sabotage; does your boyfriend feel too good to be true and perhaps you're waiting to see if anything will make him leave. Are you maybe trying to push him away? This would likely be on a subconscious level and not something you're meaning to do.

It sounds as though you care very much about the relationship and that you are trying to understand what causes the anger to happen. When did the instances of anger start to occur in your relationship and what are the triggers?

There may be a pattern you identify when you think back to what triggered these angry instances. The anger is the tip of the iceberg and the bit everyone else sees, but quite often there are things beneath that iceberg which drive the anger. For example; fear, frustration, anxiety, shame and pain (to name only a few). Anger can be quite a safe emotion for us, as if we are angry then quite often we feel like we can't be hurt as we are doing the hurting (e.g. being unpleasant or angry) before anyone else gets the chance to. 

It's hard to be more specific without the details but I hope this is a helpful response and please do reach out if you have any further questions or thoughts about this. 

Take Care,

Emily