How do I improve my self-esteem?

Hi - thank you so much for reaching out with your question.  Self-esteem can be so tricky sometimes!  The way we see ourselves can fluctuate so easily and can be affected by lots of things (people, environment, our own emotions/thoughts, expectations from others or self) very quickly if we aren't grounded on a good foundation.  This is why it is so important to know who you are, what you value, what you believe, etc.  I'm so glad you reached out for help with this - it is never too late to explore this issue!  

I think the number one thing to remember when talking about self-esteem is to slow down and see yourself as human- a person who makes mistakes and messes up, a person who can change and grow with practice, a person who has strengths and weaknesses, and a person who is very similar to so many other people - yet unique in your own way as well.  Then along with remembering you are human - is recognizing when you are doing your part and trying to work on yourself (and giving yourself some grace to grow into being your own person), as well as acknowledging that just because you struggle with self-esteem doesn't mean you are a bad person.

In order to improve self-esteem, I have found it helpful for people I work with to first identify their personal values, as well as to explore how important those values are.  This can be done with a value sort exercise (you can ask your therapist about this, or potentially google values sort activity).  Also, it can be helpful to explore your strengths.  Once you have an idea of what you value and your strengths, this can be a good foundation for being able to stand firm in who you are, without feeling as if who you are might change with your circumstances or environment.  These activities can also help in assisting you in identifying areas where you need more support.

Then it is also important to remember that strong self-esteem takes practice and if you find yourself in a situation where you don't feel so good about yourself/your choices/etc., that you can always regroup, redo, get back on track.  Practice different scenarios with your therapist or a person you trust - scenarios where you may be worried about standing firm in your values/strengths.  Sometimes working through wording/phrases and practicing various scenarios with a trusted person can help when the time comes to actually be involved in those scenarios (such as during events as you mentioned, or in relationships).

Then one last strategy (although there are many more) to improve self-esteem is to keep a record of some kind.  This can be through journaling, tracking your activities and associated thoughts/feelings via an app or through other methods, such as processing during therapy.  In this way, you can note progress and also note areas where you need more support.

I hope this has helped you get an idea of things that will boost your self-esteem.  And the good thing about self-esteem is that the more you build the foundation and the more you stand for your values/beliefs, and the more you practice various scenarios, and the more you give yourself grace as a human - self-esteem will build upon itself!