How to stop the negative thoughts in my head and the constant judgement I give myself

I wonder if you would talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? I very much doubt it. Negative thoughts can happen so quickly, and they can really affect mood and self-esteem.  However, being aware of mistakes you make can help you avoid making the same mistake in the future so you can grow from your experience. For instance, getting a question wrong in a mock exam gives you the opportunity to learn and get it correct in the real exam. On the other hand, continuous self-criticism and negative judgement may have a harmful impact on your mental health, stopping you from being spontaneous for fear of making a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, and the inner critic can be louder at some points in our lives. However, it can be a particular type of person who is consumed by their mistakes; perhaps there is a bit of perfectionism here? There are different types of perfectionists. Adaptive perfectionist can have high standards and enjoy achievement without resulting in the harsh self-judgement of maladaptive perfectionists. Perhaps you can relate to some of this?

It may be helpful to analyze where this self-criticism started. No one is born judging themselves harshly or thinking they are a bad person, so where did it come from? Sometimes experiences in our early lives such as strict parenting, competitive peers and schooling and pushy bosses can result in negative self-judgements and a lack of confidence. This means that rather than learning and growing from mistakes, we are filled with self-doubt. Being self-critical does not motivate!

There are lots of things you can do to achieve a more balanced view of yourself. Let’s start with behavior, it sounds like you are being hard on yourself, and I wonder when you last gave yourself a treat. You can start with a daily act of self-kindness. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming, but something that brings some joy to your life, taking time out to watch an old comedy for example. Journaling regularly about your passions, personal qualities, skills and achievements can help you find who you really are, beyond that inner critic’s view.

To conclude, constructive criticism can lead to progress, whereas being self-critical is demotivating and can ruin our self-esteem. By recognizing your inner critic is becoming too loud, you have made the first step to changing the way you think and feel about yourself, perhaps talking things through with a therapist can help you unpack where this came from.