Ask a therapist > Self Esteem > Why do I feel like a burden/inconvienence to people?

Why do I feel like a burden/inconvienence to people?

I have been feeling like this for a little while now, but especially recently. I am sick and in college and just feel like every time I'm with people, I’m not wanted. I also feel bad if I ask for something, cause I’m sure they have better things to do than answer me or talk to me.

For example, I am sick, and last time I was sick I ended up in urgent care because I couldn’t breathe. My friend told me that she would go with me if I wanted, and I told her she didn’t have to that I would be fine on my own. I’m sure she has more important things to do than sit for 5 hours in urgent care before being told I have a cold and to go home. And we got into a fight about it, and she ended up bringing me bread and forcing me to eat toast.
Show more
Asked by elle
Self Esteem
Answered
10/24/2022

Sometimes we feel like we are a burden to others when we have experienced trauma and have faced situations in our lives where we have been told that we are a burden or think that we are a burden. If you believe that you are a burden then that is what you are going to feel. 

Whatever situation is making you feel that way, you have to begin to reframe those thoughts and find the truth in that opinion. Think, if she didn't want to go with you she wouldn't have offered. 

Have you been dealing with depression in your life and if so how long have you been feeling this way? 

Also, start to ask yourself what is making me feel this way versus why do I feel this way. What type of childhood experiences have you had that contribute to this current feeling of " I am a burden"?

Sometimes the experiences in our lives can cause us to experience low self-esteem and have less confidence in our abilities. Sometimes when you feel like you are a burden, it can be expressed outwardly such as feeling anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, guilty, alone, invisible, unloved, unwanted, etc. 

I would encourage you to use affirmations of how you would like to feel instead of "thinking that you are a burden". If you write an affirmation of how you would like to feel and repeat it to yourself on a daily basis, you will begin to believe that. 

Is there a family history of depression? Have you ever been diagnosed with depression? Sometimes depression can cause us to have pessimistic thinking and will cause us to think that we are a burden to others as well. 

Did you have a lot of responsibility as a child growing up? Did you experience unconditional love within your family? Did you have an experience in school that contributed to the feelings of "being a burden"?

Here are 4 ways to help reframe thinking that you are a burden:

  1. Talk it out, find someone that you can trust when you start to feel that way
  2. Try to catch your feelings when that thought pops into your mind
  3. Try to let go of the fear of feeling like you are a burden to someone, go with if they have not told me, that I am not a burden. 
  4. Reframe your responses

 

Thanks for your question.

(LPC, MA)