How do you handle stress?

Stress can have a real impact on our emotional and physical well-being, and can quickly feel quite overwhelming.  It can come in many different forms, and can affect all of us in different ways - and often we can become so good at keeping it to ourselves that no one sees how much stress we're holding until it all comes out in a kind of a rush.  This can feel uncontrollable and there are a few different approaches we can apply to help us feel more in control, but also to help us slow down how heavy those stress levels become in the first place.  I wonder if you notice how your stress affects you, and how you know when you're feeling stressed out?  Do you feel any physiological changes like having difficulty in sleeping or communicating with your daughter or boyfriend?  Or find your eating habits have become altered in any way?  Or you might be aware that you feel like other emotions like anger are extra close to the surface, or you might be more tearful.  These physical and emotional behaviors are trying to tell you something, and they need to be listened to - that's where the therapeutic space can be really helpful, in giving you the room to breathe, and to listen.

One way to deal with stress is to try and identify the triggers for it; in your case, you've noticed that how your daughter and your boyfriend behave brings up a lot of stress for you.  Therapy could help you to detangle what part of this situation the stress is being triggered in response to - the feeling that they are holding secrets or maybe that feeling of exclusion that sounds as if it could be there? - and could help you to find the best way to rationalize and explore this stress.  Once triggers are identified it makes it so much easier to avoid them, or stop them from having such an impact on us.  It sounds as if this trigger in particular is bringing a lot of stuff up for you, and a safe therapeutic space could allow you a safe way to look at it all.  The stress you're describing here sounds as if while it comes from the trigger you've mentioned, it does connect with other things too, such as how you see yourself in your relationships, and it might be helpful for any therapy you choose to engage in to explore this too.  

A second way to manage stress is to find something that can take your mind away from it - so taking a step back, taking a breath and then maybe doing an activity that doesn't leave any room in our brain for that stress to get ahold of us...listening to music, a hobby you might enjoy, reading a book, going for a walk - the list can really go on and on, what's important is that it takes you (and your stressed up body & mind) away from whatever is stressing you out. 

The third thing I'd like to suggest is that you do something for you - show yourself some care.  Just a few minutes a day if that's all you feel you can give, but do this regularly and not just when you're feeling that stress peak.  The idea is to try and rein the stress in before it gets so big that it feels really hard to manage. It could be something as simple as taking a few minutes to just have a hot drink, sit quietly, watch a favorite show on TV, or listen to a piece of music that just makes us feel upbeat.

When we do something we enjoy and that gives us pleasure, like a fun activity- laughter, exercise, dancing, singing etc- our bodies release endorphins (so-called 'feel-good hormones') which can help to suppress the 'stress hormone', cortisol, so taking time out for ourselves can really help our bodies to help itself counter the stress.

And the final suggestion I have for you on this is to reach out to people when you feel like things are becoming too stressful - talking (and being heard) in itself can help us to feel calmer, less stressed out and overwhelmed.  It may sound simple but it can really help.