I feel like no one will ever love me because of my insecurities. I don’t know what to do please advise me

Hello, thank you for reaching out. My name is Julie and I am a clinical psychotherapist. I've been working in the field for over 20 years and I am happy to help you with your question.

I understand that you have been going through a rough period for a while.  I also can sense that you're ready to take steps to help yourself and have more support. Therapy is a wonderful way to identify your strengths, support systems, build self-esteem, develop healthier skills and impart hope.

A large part of women's self-esteem is based on maintenance and interactions and relationships. In a broader context, women often view society as a series of relationships. The nature of these relationships shapes self-esteem of the group as a whole. For centuries, men have ingrained in women the belief that attractiveness, not character or achievement, is their most important attribute. Women, in turn strive not to fulfill their own needs and desires, but the desires of men. These beliefs are crippling to a woman's self-esteem. A lot of times, women tend to underestimate their abilities. Society tends to attribute women's success to looks and men's success to a skill. Many women feel a sense of responsibility for everyone but themselves. They put the needs of others above their own. Women must come to appreciate the need for personal responsibility to be happy and well-adjusted themselves. Responsibility involves understanding the importance of making time for yourself and nurturing yourself in order to be able to better nurture others. Moreover, in order to truly love and support others, you must first learn to love and respect yourself.

You had mentioned that you have been feeling quite alone and you are scared of being alone for the rest of your life. Chronic disconnection can be the source of most human suffering. With therapy we can involve healing that disconnection and bringing you back into connection and back to intimacy with yourself and others. With therapy you will feel empowered. Empowerment is the process whereby the therapist works together with the patient to instill power, both social and individual. You will start to heal, love yourself, and increase confidence and self-esteem. 

Shaky self-esteem and having insecurities are things that we can work together to help you overcome. As long as our esteem remains dependent on the approval and evaluation of others, we will remain preoccupied with what others think of us and with trying to meet their expectations. A solid sense of self esteem tends to be the one of the natural rewards of discovering that we indeed have the inner strength to be self supportive and by tapping into that inner strength you will feel a solid basis and as a result, you will feel better about yourself. Doing psychotherapy is a way to gain unconditional self acceptance. When you accept yourself unconditionally, you will be able to give up the elusive search for worthiness through others' approvals and free up energy for the meaningful question of how you can most enjoy your life.

Another part of therapy will include changing old patterns that have kept you feeling scared and insecure. Over the years there has been groundbreaking studies on neurological research. Proactive new neurological research suggests that old habits die hard for a reason - they may be woven into the fabric of brain states. We are "wired" for specific kinds of neural activations very early in life and these habitual responses are automatically activated in daily living, often without conscious awareness. Once they are set - for instance, "I'm scared I will never be enough" - they are likely to continue throughout a person's life. For the most part, we don't volunteer for those response states but we simply find ourselves under the influence. Through psychotherapy you will learn techniques to not only identify but change the unhealthy cognitions. You will be able to  "rewire" those neural pathways that have been keeping you in this unhealthy holding pattern. Once these thoughts are identified and you gain more self-awareness you will be able to create a positive outlook and healthy efficacy. 

I hope this information can help. I would look forward to working with you if you would like to continue on your journey of healing.