I’ve just completed a major challenge and now I feel I’m moving two steps backward. I’m under a bit

Hi, and thanks for your question.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you've been enduring unrelenting adversity. At the same time, you've survived through it to this point, and that is an accomplishment in and of itself that's noteworthy.

There are certainly difficult times in our lives when it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel -- particularly when that same "light" has often proved to be a freight train. These challenges are making you stronger, and they will shift, change, and one day, end. It's true that, the stronger you become, the more challenging situations you're able to handle. At the same time, just like preparing to go on a long road trip and somehow thinking you'll be able to make that cross-country journey on a quarter-tank of gas, you too, need to regularly stop and refuel yourself if you're going to arrive at your destination.

This means identifying what you need in your life to keep going -- what specific types of self-care activities (or lack of activity, as the case may be) restore and refuel you to keep going no matter what life throws your way. Make time for those at all costs -- if you find yourself confronting feelings of guilt in taking time for your own self care, remember the "road trip" analogy: you wouldn't feel guilty for stopping to refuel your car -- it's simply what must be done in order to keep going.

All that being said, there's a saying that goes something along the lines of, "He who has a 'why' can endure any 'how.'" This speaks to our very human need for a sense of purpose in all that we do. If we have a clear sense of why we're embarking on a certain path toward a desired end goal, our resolve to see it through to completion is bolstered, and challenges become a bit less challenging and a little more tolerable, and often times this is exactly what we need in the face of adversity: just a little break...just a little reprieve from the constant pressure or seemingly never ending calamities... just a small space in which to catch our breath.

The world, however, may not dole out the space in which to breathe quite so freely as the challenges are presented. In that sense, it's incumbent upon us -- if we are to keep going forward or even simply tread water -- to intentionally create that space for ourselves in order to catch our breath, assess the situation, recuperate some of our energy and resolve to plunge forward, and bravely face whatever is before us.

But I digress. Back to the importance of having a sense of purpose in whatever you do. Look inward and identify your values, your priorities in life, and what motivates you. If need be, write them down. Surround yourself in reminders (in whatever mode works for you) of what's most important to you and why you're doing what you're doing. Some people feel supported by inspirational quotes, pictures, songs/playlists, mantras, beloved objects, etc. Whatever you can do to create an environment that supports you and your connection to that sense of purpose that you identify.

Other important points along the way in your journey are knowing which people in your life are your support system, and calling upon them when you need to, as well as making time for them even when you're not in crisis mode. Having the acceptance, love and support of even just one person can give you the strength to move forward when it feels like stopping is the easier thing to do.

That being said (and returning to the point of self-care again), sometimes you *do* just need to stop for a bit. And by "a bit" I mean like an afternoon. Sometimes it's okay to just curl up in bed or on the sofa to binge watch your favorite show. Sometimes your mind and body *need* to check out in a healthy way, and that's okay. Just be sure it's somewhat time limited (i.e., don't allow yourself to fall into a pattern of those activities to the neglect of what's really important to you).

Another point -- which ties into the importance of identifying what motivates you toward that/those goals/what your values and priorities are is keeping in mind the power of regret-as-motivator. Ask yourself -- within the context of your values, goals and priorities -- how you would feel about yourself if you stopped working toward those goals? Would you have regrets? Would doing so make you feel as though you somehow betrayed a part of yourself? If the answer is "yes," then that's a good sign you'd benefit from a continued journey forward, even when (or especially when) it's rough...and if *that's* the case, then you'd certainly benefit from ensuring your "gas tank" is properly fueled for the journey.

What you've described is one of the more difficult aspects of being human, and it's something we all face, have faced, or will face at one time or another in life. That's why there are so many quotes, adages, etc. that speak to such circumstances and the difficulty in persevering against all odds. It's also a storyline of many movies -- everyone wants to see the "underdog" succeed.

Know that, in this sense, the whole human race is rooting for you. :-)

Best wishes!