how abuse changes you?

Abuse is one of the most excruciating experiences for any living creature. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or sexual, it will forever change the person’s life. Sadly, the abuser does not even consider the damage they are doing to the person they are abusing. Anyone that has survived abuse can tell a story about who they were before the abuse and who they are now. Admittedly, some changes are for the better, but the majority are for the worse; and most people wish they could have gotten the good changes another way. A few common changes caused by abuse are difficulties with daily functioning routines, dysfunctional relationships, and repeating the abuse.

DIFFICULTIES FUNCTIONING

Most of us take for granted the tasks we do daily without any thought at all, sleeping, eating, socially drinking, going to work, raising kids, and so much more. A person who has been abused has to make an effort to do most of these things, even though it was all muscle memory before the abuse. Sleeping through the night or even falling asleep becomes unbearable. They fear reliving the abuse in dreams or just feeling unsafe in the vulnerable state of sleep. Eating and drinking should be easy, but the stress can disturb the digestive system and push the person to drink alcohol over water to numb the pain. Doing regular tasks at work or being present for the family can feel like everything has to be an analytical process before it is done. 

DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Some people that have been abused will struggle to trust their judgment. They will wonder if they know how to determine if a person is good or bad, be able to talk to a good person, keep them in their lives, and if they allow another bad person to harm them. Other people that have been abused will subconsciously seek out people like their abuser to keep in their life. Abuse becomes their new normal, and they not only expect it but think they deserve it. These struggles are with friendships, work relationships, and romantic relationships. Trust is one thing that is universally changed in a person that has been abused. All day, every day, they wonder, “Who can I trust?”

REPEATING THE ABUSE

Believe it or not, most abusers were abused themselves. It would stand to reason that a person that has been abused would not want to inflict that trauma on anyone else. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Some people that have been abused don’t want to suffer alone, so they spread the abuse. Some people’s sense of right and wrong become altered, and abuse becomes normal for them, so they do it too. Regardless, there is no evidence that anyone is born an abuser; some trauma turns them that way. 

There are numerous ways that abuse changes a person. To learn more about life after abuse, check the CENTRE FOR ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH (CAMH).